I'll have what she's having

hanging with people who go the extra mile

The Rec-Plex was a big deal; a shiny, new building jammed between the two high schools housing a skating rink and swimming pool. I was lucky to live around the corner and spent a lot of my childhood in that building. It was home to my first concert (Loverboy, I think) and my first real kiss, but before those shenanigans it was all about the swimming - although I would call what I did in that pool ‘trying-not-to-drown’, more than real swimming.

Me, with big aspirations. Just kidding!

It was the seventies and eighties so no parent supervision was necessary. This meant we’d skip around the corner to the pool every chance we got. Despite passing all my levels, I was the weakest swimmer of the gang, I had choppy strokes and difficulty floating, while my friends were like dolphins. They went on to be lifeguards or swim lengths just for fun while I eventually stopped swimming except in the case of emergency!

After being mostly out of the water for decades one of those same friends boldly stated her desire to compete in swimming at the provincial senior games – making this decision before even dipping a toe in the water. She joined the master’s swim club which meant a long drive to a different town through the winter. After the first day she reported the swimming was tough and the lengths seemed extra long but she kept going week after week, month after month and we cheered from afar when she stood on the podium at the games!

It is very inspiring.

To be around a person who has made a commitment, with a firm plan to follow-through, feels compelling. These folks carry a quiet but electric energy that seems different, coupled with a steadiness that comes from keeping a promise to their own soul.

Coming across a person who is clear and unflappable about the direction they are going seems uncommon, especially as we get older. Maybe this is because regularly showing up for something that takes effort comes with a disruption to our familiar routine so with that commitment comes with some friction.

The pesky friction shows up as resistance; wanting to stick with the same-old, same-old instead of following through on the promise we made to ourself. Honeybun, we aren’t used to friction in our life so it can feel yucky, but resistance isn’t a sign we’re on the wrong track, it’s a clue that our deepest self yearns for growth and will do what it takes to get there.

Eric Zimmer, one of my favorite podcasters, was recently interviewed by Beyond with Jane Ratcliffe where they discussed his new book How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. I came across this interview at a time when I’ve been thinking about goals, commitment and showing up for myself - how does that look at this stage. I was struck by his reminder that doing a lot of different things doesn’t move us forward which is exactly what I’d been doing.

Eric wrote:

“We get very distracted - and so little by little in a lot of different directions does not become a lot.”

These words illustrated why I’ve felt scattered with a lack of forward momentum but they also validated my recent thought process. While contemplating my next steps, or lack of them, and what I want to DO with myself I had written this in my journal:

1. Commit to something and follow through. It can be something small

2. Slow down so I can be with what is directly around me, intentionally notice it

3. Remind myself the process cannot be forced, that’s not how it works. It shows up in consistent effort (now I’m going to add IN THE SAME DIRECTION!)

This journal entry comforted me and, days later reading Eric’s words, another layer was added reminding me how simple it is to fully show up in my own life as long as I’m a gatekeeper to all the little, unimportant things that get in the way (including my thoughts).

Perhaps we become disheartened at midlife because the audacious plans we used to make have changed and, along the way, life has added many layers to our day. It seems daunting to find our way past it all to something new, so instead we simply carry on.

And yet…

There’s a gentle gravity, like a grounded energy, that comes from committing to our well-being. It feels different than the vibe of everyday frazzle because we are saying “Yes. This.” Whatever THIS is to each of us, it doesn’t have to be as big as competing in our childhood sport but it does have to carry the weight of our promise to ourself. Then we move, little by little, in the direction of that decision and feel the difference.

As Adyashanti says,

We create the right conditions and then we wait. If we do this, we will not be the same.

What if creating the right conditions are easier than we think?

Sending so much love, thanks for being here.

xoxo Donna

P.S. I’d love to hear if you’re a goal setter and if they are big or small goals. Talk to me in the comments right after you smash that heart button. :)

FYI anything in bold red is a clickable link.

I am always intrigued when the ideas that are on my mind start showing up in the work of other Substack writers who are thinking about it as well. This week I also enjoyed David Roberts take on goals:

Losing My Ambition