How to love your way through the (internal) jungle

but don't read this if you're looking for real answers

Dear One, here is a big smooch from me to to you to say thanks for being here, I appreciate it! This post is a stumbling effort to convey the difficulty I’ve had with the idea of SELF LOVE.

The first half is in the form of a one sided email chain based on an exercise from my writing teacher

Jeannine Ouellette

. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Heads up, the second half, a discussion about a few things I’ve done to get through the struggle in my internal jungle, is for my paid subscribers. The paywall isn’t meant to be a barrier to anyone but a more intimate space to hold my writing that is not readily available to the public eye.

Sadly, there is no way I can open the comments on a paid post to all of my subscribers. If I could, I would. But, even if you can’t comment, I would dearly love to hear your thoughts and tips on self love so drop me a line in Notes, email me at donnamcarthur@substack.com or, even better, join the conversation as a paid subscriber where you will receive my immense gratitude, the archives of all my work and leave amazing comments! xox

Me, searching through the forest for my inner self. 📷L. Striegel

I wanted to check in to see how you’re doing after the Love YourSELF seminar we went to last week? I could literally feel the resistance radiating from you when we were there.

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Okayyyyyyy, but I don’t think being kind to ourselves and trying to dim our inner critic is smarmy.

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Sure, stuff like this is all over the internet and sometimes it seems cheesy but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth our consideration.

So, back to my question, how are you doing? I got a little worried when you almost passed out during the breathing exercises. Good thing I was there to catch you or you would’ve dumped your coffee in that crabby woman’s designer handbag. That wouldn’t have gone over well.

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I don’t think it’s appropriate to say that woman needs to love herself more, how do we know what she needs?! Anyway, it seemed like you were hyperventilating. He said the purpose of the breathing exercises is to calm our nervous system not amp it up. You seemed stressed.

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Yes, I understand you think it’s weird and that’s what made you stressed and no, I’m not going all woo-woo on you!

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I’ve always thought this way and now science backs it up.

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What do you mean? We can regulate our nervous system with our breathing and journaling is good for our mental well-being. I mean, how can being hyper-critical of ourselves be useful when all it does is make us feel terrible.

Also, there are helpful things we can do that science can’t explain yet but that doesn’t mean they are silly or ineffective. How did I miss the narrowing of your mind?

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Yes, I’ve done that.

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Offering comfort to my younger self isn’t witchy. You should try it. It’s exactly that - comforting. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter what age you’re talking to, it all helps

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Interesting! Don’t you find it amazing that it was your eleven year old self who showed up? Remember when we were at Allendale Park just after your birthday? You stole your Mom’s eyeliner and cigarettes and we were trying them all out. I was freezing my arms off and was worried we were going to light the trees on fire but you kept puffing away with racoon eyes.

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No, that was not the beginning of the end you goofball. Have you ever thought maybe that little girl could use some comfort from you now? Try doing what he said in the seminar, sit with her, ask her what she needs from you. Listen. Send her love.

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I know, it seems kind of out-there but it’s surprisingly effective.

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OK, I get it. What if you try to take the pressure off by just using a different word? If you feel like self love is too much try thinking about acceptance or an understanding that we all have imperfections. Maybe a word that feels a little lighter to you.

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You-of-little-faith. Mock me all you want, when I’m on the road to inner peace you’re going to wish you had tagged along!