Permission & comfort zone, are they the same thing?

I think not

Last week I wrote about giving ourselves permission. Personal permission, in the context I’m using it, is about taking steps to get closer to who you really are. Back in the day few folks had this luxury, so it was never expressed or taught to us.

I grew up in a culture of pioneering women who got stuff done, that’s all there was to it. I was raised to be a 'good girl' and fall in line; my ancestors likely would have viewed the concept of personal permission as ridiculous & selfish. But is it though?

Often a deep, inner knowing requires stripping away the layers life has piled up. Examining, with an open mind, your upbringing, your people & your culture. Mine for example: North American, privileged, white, middle aged woman who came of age in the 80’s. That seems to have come with a specific set of expectations and cultural norms that I didn’t necessarily establish for myself. Who is the person beneath that mantle, what is important to them and what do they want?

circa 1984, I’ve simply got no words!

What we long for is wholeness – but usually we don’t know what that means and are conditioned to search for it in terms of wealth, status or comfort. Yet our deepest self knows when we are moving closer or farther from it. That’s where the concept of personal permission lies.

It’s not a selfish construct to want to feel good in your life because it’s from this place you can go out and shine your light on those around you. To me, personal permission means doing what it takes to move closer to whole heartedness. Acting this way changes our brain, our health, our family, and dare I say, our world.

If you can achieve more peace, purpose, belonging and fulfillment do you really think you will horde those things for yourself? Not likely.  The more you can live wholeheartedly the more you’re able to create a better world for others, however that looks for you. This is why personal permission is not a selfish endeavor but something our world sorely needs right now.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The questions & comments I received after last week’s post (thank you so much for taking the time to contribute) made me consider the difference between living a life of purposeful permission (moving toward wholeheartedness) and one where we are entrenched in our comfort zone.  I think they are vastly different things.

I have nothing against the comfort zone, my issue is staying there. Visiting that place now and again is a necessary human survival tactic but living there day in & day out puts you firmly in a life of autopilot. This is the opposite of personal empowerment because it’s done without much thought.  It’s the habit of taking the road most travelled without a lot of inquiry. It may mean you feel a pull toward something, yet consistently bury it because it takes work or time. Comfort zone is effortless, thoughtless (for the most part), and ultimately draining.  

Personal permission, on the other hand, requires mental energy and may feel difficult even if it doesn’t look challenging from the outside. It is undertaken with consideration and, regardless of being easy or hard, is ultimately fulfilling. This is something you call from within yourself. Intention, best served with a side of self compassion, inquiry and sometimes chocolate!

Pay attention to your personal preferences and notice if the desire is to grow or to numb out? Are you nurturing yourself by laying on the couch with the cookies and Netflix (some days the answer is a firm yes) or is it your default? Is your aim something your soul is calling you to do or are you out to prove a point?

Begin to use your inner power of discernment and observe your genuine preferences. As you shed some light on what you want you may develop cracks in the armor and it’s from that place that change may occur and you will be led to greater wholeness.

Speaking of wholeheartedness, my whole heart thanks you for being here with me! I really appreciate you tuning in and if it resonated with you please give me a likey heart. OK I know likey isn’t actually a word but I warned you in my ABOUT section that I tend to make up my own lingo and grammar, so you’ve been warned!

Again, thank you!

xox

A few things I enjoyed this week…

These are excellent articles that center on the things I talked about today.

Rae Katz

asks us to think about rest in her newletter, Healingpaloozas. It really got me thinking about my own definition of true rest. I think it’s something I need to work on.

If you want to explore your comfort zone a little more

Tim Denning

does a great job in his article A Comfortable Life is One of the Worst Feelings in the World. I loved how he lays it out in point form!

If you would like to work with me one on one I would love that! We can meet in person, online or by phone. You can check it out HERE or contact me at donnamcarthur@substack.com.