Personal growth is important because it gives us permission to use our blankie

also because life keeps throwing us curveballs

She didn’t send flowers when my mom died.

Instead, she went to great effort to mail me a card and a novel. Even better was the blanket she sent with them. Downy white velour, not cheap, tacky velour like the kind .I bought at the local dollar store to use in the hockey arena when I was watching my boys move the puck up the ice. No. This luxurious square of comfort is made with the softest fabric that calls me to burrow into a place where my cares cannot go. It’s one of the mysteries of manufacturing that they can create such a thing.

It was like receiving a hug in the mail and the thoughtfulness of this gift changed me, just as the blanket has frequently saved me.

My wonderful gift did not arrive in a mailbox like this. 📸 Mikaela Wiedenhoff

Sometimes part of us may think personal growth is for wankers. This begs the question “Why would we want to grow as a human, what’s the big deal about self-awareness?”

A few weeks ago, I came across an interview online, and I regret that I didn’t tune into it. However, I saw the woman being interviewed saying she didn’t buy into personal growth and didn’t think it was necessary. “We are here, living our lives, and as long as we keep showing up, stuff is going to happen, and we are going to live it,” she said. While this is true, I believe—and it has been shown through some amazing science—that there are things we can learn that will help us change how we move through the world, how we react to what is thrown at us, and how we can learn to be better humans.

Self awareness helps us transcend our noisy mind, it helps us deal with the tough stuff without over-reacting, and it can allow for space to figure out what’s important. But another thing it does, which is often overlooked, is show us the path to restoration.

It’s helpful for us to be able to recognize when we are stuck in our own mud and this stuckness has caused our vision to get cloudy. Anyone who has been bogged down knows if we frantically keep trying to get out the same way we got in, and keep getting worked up, we tend to get more tangled, more upset, and the problem does not get fixed. Overanalysing, saying the same thing over and over, or sitting on the couch pretending it will go away, rarely leads to an effective solution.

When life throws us a curveball, or someone is making things difficult, it’s helpful to know how to restore our sense of center because it’s from that place we can sort things out and look at the issue with a wider lens.

This is where my blanket comes in. As a child, I had a blankie, and it was difficult for my mom to wash it because, if I needed a nap or if anything stressful was going on in my little four-year-old life, I needed that blanket. Not specifically for the blanket but for the ribbon edge that I would rub between my thumb and my finger as a calming mechanism. I’ve always been a sensory and tactile person which is handy for a chiropractor.

I’ve realized that things like warmth, good smells, softness of anything (including voice), and a quiet gentleness, calm my nervous system. It took me years to accept this because these tools are so simple that I failed to recognize their importance, and that the psycho-neuro effect was real.

The blanket my friend sent me does this: touching it calms and helps me if I’m feeling upset and in that settling, comes an opportunity to question my assumptions, examine my role in the situation, and brainstorm solutions. All this from touching one blanket? No, it’s a result of years of inner exploration to figure out myself out - of growing as a person and knowing what I need. Something as simple as remembering to use my blankie, as I did when I was a child, to reset my nervous system so I can feel better and interact differently is a very useful tool. It restores me to my center.

My beautiful gift of a grown-up blankie

I am calling you to consider what works for you, to release your notion of it being silly and allow it to soothe you. If you don’t have a specific comfort mechanism then start to pay attention and move toward what feels good. (Honeybun, as a sobriety advocate you know I must add that drugs and alcohol don’t count in this context. They might feel good in the moment but have the overall effect of going into our brain and robbing us of the very life force we are working to restore.)

Drop a note in the comments and let me know if you have a simple thing that helps you return to center so you can face all the things. The more ideas we can share the better because the rest of us might want to try it.

Stay awesome no matter what!

xoxo Donna

P.S. Thank you L.C. for the beautiful gift❤️

Also, I’m working on a series about guilt, just in case you ever have any! If you have anything specific you want me to address email me at donnamcarthur@substack.com.