Fear. Change.

If we fear our change we should change our fear.

I once knew a family physician who, having been in practice for decades, accidentally ate breakfast the morning she was to have surgery. She was in the hospital, breakfast was delivered to her room and, because hospital food is so delicious and hard to resist, she started in on it. After devouring a piece of toast, the realization that she had just derailed her surgery dawned on her. She sheepishly had to tell the staff what she, an experienced MD, had just done which resulted in a rescheduled surgery that inconvenienced many folks.

Self-sabotage at its finest. It’s a bummer when that happens and yet it’s a universal trait. ALL people do this, not just me and not just you.

In one of my more spectacular feats of resisting forward momentum, I got myself into credit card debt before I was supposed to head off for school. A rookie move that smacked of not wanting to be an adult. It was as if I had bizarre blinders on – I prepared academically and literally to move to another country for school but conveniently ignored my mounting credit card balance as if becoming a student would magically make it go away. In the end, I had to work like a fiend to pay it down to be able to keep pursuing the dream.

WHY do we do this? Maybe because we are scared of the unknown.

Resistance happens any time we are moving our lives from a lower place to a higher place. It happens when we are trying to create something, improve ourselves, or go in a different direction than the path we have always taken. Resistance strikes like a stealth bomber and we rarely see it coming. Armed with the proper tools of self-introspection we can use resistance to show us the right steps to take on our path.

I’ve learned so much while writing this newsletter. It’s been a constant battle of overcoming my internal alarm as I realize I’m scared of being seen, of standing fully in my light and allowing the world to see what’s there. I don’t know what it looks like, or means, to ‘stand in my light’ and allow people to know me, but I do know what it feels like when I get close to that edge. I feel it in my entire body, a rush of scary chemicals that stem from powerlessness in the unknown (thank you

Jenna Newell Hiott

for those perfect words).

Here at The Bright Life, it’s our goal to have the courage to listen to our deepest selves. When self-sabotage arrives it’s as if we’re wearing a headlamp showing us the path to that inner knowing. It’s saying, ‘Walk this way Baby and you will learn more about yourself’ while, at the same time, we’ll start scrolling on our phone to distract ourselves.

When our unconscious mind is unsure of something we will feel it in our body first. This is a sign of pushback as our lower self strives to keep us in our place. With practice, we can notice, and quickly deal with it, before we go off course. Undermining ourselves may show up as anxiety, boredom, restlessness, confusion, hunger that doesn’t make sense, or maybe a craving. Start to pay attention, then gently ask yourself what might be lying beneath this distraction.

FEAR WEARS MANY HATS Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash

After showing up in our body resistance presents in our actions. Sometimes this will be almost simultaneous which is why it takes a little effort to notice it. A few ways it might happen are:

• Procrastination arriving with his best buddy justification. Our thinking mind gives us perfectly good reasons to put off doing this thing by reminding us we can start on Monday (notice how it doesn’t tell us we will never be able to save the money, it just says we can start saving on Monday). Sneaky.

• Leaning toward the dramatic (not in a good way) - whether you’re creating it yourself or getting in the middle of it. If you’re like a heat-seeking missile for a crisis it may be your special form of resisting what’s going on and staying stuck in your pattern. 

• Playing the victim? This was my personal favorite for about 25 years and is pretty self-explanatory. I was certain I was the only one in the world having this problem or was this busy. Give me a break!

The thing is Sweetie, when we find ourselves not following through on our idea or plan it doesn’t mean we are lazy, nor does it mean we aren’t smart enough or don’t have what it takes. But it is an indicator we need to shine a light on our lack of personal responsibility and start examining what’s going on.

In my last post on fear, my friend

Michael Edward

commented that fear can make him feel more alive and in the moment. This is the lighter side of discomfort, the kind we can learn to overcome and work with. Then there’s the other kind of unease that’s there for the purpose of guiding us away from something. This is the necessary kind of fear that keeps us safe, it’s very helpful.

If we always turn in the direction of comfort and safety, without using discernment, it may lead to a life of continually searching for the elusive thing that seems to be missing from our life. This is the benefit of knowing how we work on the inside, it allows us the ability to identify the many sneaky ways our fears abort our best-laid plans and be able to discern what to do about it.

I hope you join me next week for the essay I’ve written for my paid subscribers about HOW we can overcome resistance - what do we actually DO about it? If you’re interested you can become a paid subscriber here; you will have my deep appreciation and my promise to do my best for you.

I am so happy and thankful you are here with me. Being human can be tricky sometimes so I’m glad to know we are doing it together! Drop me a note in the comments, what’s your favorite way to resist doing something? Have you ever eaten before surgery and had to reschedule (I won’t ask about credit card debt!).

xoxo Donna

P.S. I love the writing of

Jen Hitze

. If you want to read more about our inner voice and overcoming resistance you might like this recent essay.

The Human Condition and Who We Are