GUILT TRIP: THE POWERFUL DELUSION THAT WILL MAKE US SHRINK

PART ONE

Recently I’ve been struggling to write about personal growth when, for many of us, it feels like our world is imploding and we are at a loss of what to do about it.

Wrestling with a concept like guilt seems like a misallocation of effort when perhaps I could be writing about bigger solutions to human problems — that would be if I had any bigger solutions! When it comes down to it, the foundation of most issues we face might lie in a lack of self-awareness and personal responsibility. These things call for resilience, trust, a lack of rigidity and a need to set our ego and righteousness aside in order to look at the bigger picture.

📸my son, J Swallow

It’s this call for self-awareness that keeps me here writing. (You, Honeybun, also keep me here — so thank you for your presence). It’s my goal to offer tools for inner exploration that foster growth & change because it’s our inner journey that enables us to view the world with greater compassion while staying true to our values and integrity.

So, where does guilt fall in this equation? That’s a great (complex) question. Many of us are living with a low-level sense of pressure that is so subtle we don’t notice its presence. This tension comes with an underlying sense that something is wrong, that WE are wrong.

Often we incorrectly label these feelings as guilt and I want to deconstruct this idea. Over the next few weeks I will ask us to peel away the layers of our conditioning and habit to see what lies beneath. I want us to be able to name what we feel for what it is rather than assuming a level of guilt and strain that is, quite frankly, ridiculous (speaking for myself)!

If you are one of those unicorns who has no idea what the heck I’m talking about when I say “an underlying sense of guilt” then well done you, and I urge you to skip this series. xoxo

I demand your precious attention, hogging your ability to let your thoughts rest easily on something else.

I wind my way around your heart, offering just enough of a squeeze to let you know I haven’t gone away.

I am the lump in your gut that disrupts your microbiome, your health, and your sleep.

I live in your memory, sometimes causing distortions so grand that, if you took a step back to see me from afar, you would feel like you’re looking in a fun-house mirror.

I warp your vision because I can stop you from looking past me to see what is truly there.

I interrupt your peace by turning you toward distraction.

I tighten a fist around your mistakes, holding you in a state of contraction.

I am an egotistical bastard, gaslighting you into thinking you can only be wrong.

I remind you that forgiveness is impossible (even though this is an illusion).

I firmly hold your worthiness in my closed fist.

I AM GUILT

Honeybun, many parts of us pretend to be guilt. This is tricky because when we wear this disguise, labeling too many things as guilt, it stops us from looking closer to see what lies beneath and, sadly, this can keep us stuck.

Fear assumes my name, instead of facing itself,

Shame impersonates me so it can hide in plain sight,

Confusion steps under my umbrella,

Self-doubt and unworthiness hog all my blankets,

The mistakes that come with being human choose a life sentence by taking my name, rather thank taking responsibility and moving on.

I AM GUILT

Welcome, Dear One, to the series you didn’t know you needed!

Maybe you’re like me and didn’t realize how much our quality of life is affected by living with a low level (or higher) sense of guilt-that-is-not-actually-guilt. Let’s shine our lens on this dilemma to discover things about ourselves that will help us stand fully in our rightful space and, ultimately, feel better. What we’re going for here is a greater sense of peace, along with less tension and the ability to ditch feeling like we should! I hope you join me.

In upcoming essays I’ll be exploring a few things that might accidentally be sucking our life force (I know, I’m a little dramatic but stick with me) while we call them guilt. Things like:

• taking on everyone else’s stuff to make sure they’re doing okay which often leaves us feeling wrung right out;

• identifying where this tension lives in our body and what we can do about it;

• recognizing the itchiness of discomfort that comes when we stay our own course, even if it involves going against what we think other people want;

• figuring out what to do about our own conflicting values — when two things seem equally important to us but we have to choose;

• what to do when we screw up for real;

• what if we really want something.

Some parts of this series will be behind the paywall (this means you must become a paying subscriber to read the whole thing) because the topic of guilt calls for a sense of tenderness that feels vulnerable. I know my readers who support me with a paid subscription are showing up with an open heart and mind. There’s also the aspect that a series like this is a ton of work, especially as I’m tackling this topic as a layperson with no experience in psychology or psychoanalysis. It’s simply a topic that interests me because it offers a lot of room for growth. If you’d like to read the whole series but it’s not in your budget email donnamcarthur@substack.com and I will gladly comp you a subscription so you can join the party.

As always Dear One, thank you for being here with me. Your presence in this online community means so much.

xoxo Donna

Sharing and restacking this essay is greatly appreciated.