Hot and bothered
I'd like to be hot but I don't want to be bothered
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Look, I’m not trying to make this into a big deal, but we don’t HAVE to get all hot and bothered.
The plans that go sideways…the disappointment we caused or felt…the point of view that is opposite our own…
We get worked up about this stuff because we’re dedicated to our version of the story, but that attachment is an energetic drain.
Holding on for dear life doesn’t make sense for our well-being even though, in the moment, defending our position feels like the right thing to do. Greater peace and freedom come when we soften the hold we have on our beliefs and the way we construct our identity. So, what does this even mean?
Turns out Honeybun, thoughts like “I AM a ___,” or “I ALWAYS ___,” or “I LIKE/DON’T LIKE ___,” become an invisible line we hold. It’s as if our insides are trying to protect some fragile (often unknown to our conscious mind) part of ourselves. But what if this certainty is a kind of resistance?
The moment “I am this” becomes non‑negotiable, it stops being a description and starts being a quiet fence we build around our best self. This false identity becomes a boundary we mistake for truth when the story we tell about ourselves hardens into something we feel obligated to defend.
Just as growth demands we release what feels familiar and comfortable (for example our instinct to be defensive and desire to mold life according to our view) it also reminds us we can gently hold our opinions without becoming all bothered by them and making them into who we are.
Our identity boundaries rarely dissolve suddenly or through force. In my experience, we can’t just tell ourselves we’re done with them. It’s more of a gradual shifting that comes when we start asking important questions (Is that true? Might there be another way? Is she really an asshole all the time?) and when we pay closer attention to our life. Sometimes we only see the deconstruction of who we thought we were in hindsight.
We can gradually loosen the grip on the version of our self we’ve been defending because, behind that story, lives a person who can roll with it. One who can face the hardships of our world without being taken down, who no longer takes everything personally, who has changed their energetic field to be one that invites curiosity rather than rigidity.
It’s worth the effort.
We can gently hold our worldview and beliefs about ourself while also making sure it doesn’t become who we think we are. And if you’re rolling your eyes right now I get it, this is one of those mindbenders the Universe rolls out for us when we’re trying to grow.
Here’s to an undefended heart Lovebug. Rock on!
Love Donna
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This is such good advice! And an important reminder. Change is uncomfortable, but getting stuck in the trenches of defined identities is easy. I hope to ask nights these hard questions and tear down the fences I can’t even see yet so I can live more vulnerably!
A great read as always! Who needs a spiritual advisor when I have you!
Exhaling (i.e., letting go) is especially important right now with everything going on in the world. It's one thing to be spurred to action, but if it's not action and just exasperation, it really can drain the joy out of life. Thanks for this timely reminder my dear. 🩵