My Sober Life

It wasn't always this way

If you are new to my work thank you so much for checking it out, I am really stoked you’re here! I write about many different aspects of well-being and, by far, the topic that garners the most attention is living a sober life.

Sobriety is no longer a big deal to me so I rarely write about it, however it is now a fundamental part of who I am so I thought I would share (or reshare for those that have been with me awhile) part of my story in case it resonates. If you aren’t sober curious (I love this new cultural vernacular) please try one of my other articles and tune back in next week.

I grew up learning to drink like it was an Olympic sport and I was a champion. I had mad partying skills (ah, I still miss those days!). Since I hit my stride in the 80’s you may have expected the typical start to be little steps with Baby Duck and California Coolers, remember those? Nope, not my crowd. We started with lemon gin - straight out of the bottle. While I was a kid I learned to drink hard and fast and so did most of my Posse. Thankfully, the lemon gin was a short phase as we ran the booze spectrum - ending with expensive wine as our drink of choice.

The Posse I learned to drink with…we are still together. Something happened in those formative years both with alcohol and bonding because 45+ years later they are still my Soul sisters, the fabric of my being, the best part. But alcohol became part of the fabric of my being as well – the worst part.

Occasionally in my life there was something I wanted more than drinking. I wanted a degree and I wanted motherhood, so I stopped drinking to achieve those goals. I also gave it up here and there but that pathway in my brain kept getting stronger and stronger. Relax, have fun, deal with stress, hang with your friends all meant drinkdrinkdrink.

In my drinking life there was no passing out, no vomiting, no missed work, no DUI, no trauma. But there was the daily regret of constantly letting myself down. I witnessed my soul lose respect for myself. I was living the life Garth Brooks talked about when he said “I’m much too young to feel this damn old”. The road was looking long.

quote & image Annie Grace, This Naked Mind

My deepest, inner self thought I should stop drinking years before my physical body got on board. She would say things like “this really isn’t working” - I quickly blocked that one. Then She started making deals with me which I artfully dodged. I was excellent at ignoring my smarter self, but it became more difficult to evade every passing year. It looked like this…drink wine, tune out by eating the wrong thing, watching crap TV, feel exhausted many days while constantly thinking about the gifts you’re wasting and the lost potential, lose respect for self so feel even worse therefore drink more , repeat. For years. Oh yeah, and continue to get more and more tired every week of every year, all while running around managing a very full life.

The more this happened the more I drank but still…there was a spark inside that grew slowly until I knew I would implode if I didn’t step over to the other side. Change or become an empty shell, even with ‘only’ a glass or two (more on weekends - sound familiar?) a day.

Quietly, in the privacy of my own home, I started to get serious about it. I began looking at the research on alcohol in our culture (scary as all get out), what it does to our brain (it's frightening) and the thing that really rocked me - what it does to our ability to feel joy and contentment (obliteration anyone?). I decided I wanted to quit forever.  So, while still sipping away on my vino, I developed a plan to successfully stop. I happily no longer drink booze and feel much better for it.

I treat my sobriety like a lover. I respect her, I don’t take her for granted, I understand she can walk out the door any time (I carry the gene for alcoholism, there’s no getting rid of that baby). When it’s the first gorgeous sunny day and I yearn to sit on my deck drinking Prosecco I make an effort to nurture that gorgeous part of me that is choosing a different path.

I am so glad I quit, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

In the years since I began talking about life with no booze our culture around sobriety has started to change for the better. It’s something the cool kids are doing. OK, I know there’s no such thing as cool kids because we are all just human and faking it. But before I quit I realized all the folks I thought were awesome & doing amazing things with their life had given up the booze. Just sayin, take a look around at who you admire.

The biggest gift sobriety has given me is clarity, which is also one of the main things I was looking for when I decided to quit. I rarely have foggy brain, I have gained a wider perspective and I can mostly stay present with what is happening in my life rather than withdraw (I am practicing this).

Are all my days now filled with rainbows & unicorns? No.

However, living AF (alcohol free) remains one of the greatest things I've ever done because:

•         I earned the respect of myself;

•         I can think clearly most of the time;

•         I feel my emotions - so hard yet so necessary;

•         I KNOW I can do hard things, just like you.

If you have a tiny inkling you may be drinking too much start to pay attention. Notice it because that's where it begins - your desire for change may grow from there. You are NOT your past actions but you are responsible for your future.

Thank you so much for being here with me. If you have a friend that’s sober curious please share this newsletter. We are navigating this interesting world together and need to look out for one another.

xox

One last thing Dear Friend,

There is no right way to stop drinking. I chose to follow those that walked before me by reading books, listening to podcasts and joining the amazing online organization She Recovers.

I loved this article by Michael Mohr about Alcoholics Anonymous. He speaks honestly about his experience in AA, from a confused newbie to mentor. A helpful read for anyone considering it or who does attend but sits, uncertainly, in the back of the room.

Sober Lit is a big, wonderful trend right now. Read some. Here on Substack there are some excellent writers who got sober. Mia at The Sober Glow as well Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen are here and many more. Search them out, find your people.

If you like this please hit the likey-heart, subscribe, share! (Man, I hate having to ask. It is very hard for me but I am trying to grow this part of my work and there is no other way:)

I am sending that love right back at you.