Said goodbye to alcohol on Dec 10th. 5 months. Wow. So far, as hard as it has been, it remains the best decision I've made in a long time. Had been wanting to do it for years. Very difficult when everyone around you still drinks - but I'm hanging in and I don't regret it. Life is so much better without the hangovers and self-loathing that, for me, ALWAYS followed (without exception) a night of drinking.
My excuse has always been gateway to sleep. Calm me down just enough to go to sleep. I need another, better sleep aid. Working on that. Without alcohol.
I can appreciate this excuse Dale, mine was always to relax. I began to question the truth of that by asking myself if there was any possible way I could relax without a glass of wine. Of course, the answer was yes. I did this over and over until I found I could no longer say I was having a glass of wine to relax. It was one of the things that contributed to the shift. It's amazing how it can become so insidious and habitual without our conscious awareness.
Thanks for dropping into my comments section, it's so nice to see you here!
Wahoo!!! Yippee!!!! I commend you Lisa, I hope you feel those vibes over the cyberwaves. You are so right, it is much harder to stop when everyone around you partakes. That requires depth of character and digging deep. Being very clear on WHY you are doing it so that when those triggers show up (sun, camping, hockey game, any general Friday night, Christmas...haha, those are some of mine!) we have the ability to hold on.
What I didn't touch on in this article is usually the stopping is the easiest part and most people don't realize this. After quitting comes feeling the feelings that were being masked and allowing ourselves not to numb out. This is why working with someone who has walked the path ahead is so helpful, books, coaches, meetings, yoga....whatever works for each person.
It is verrrrry worthwhile work. (There's my mad writing skills in action, haha!) Congratulations on 5 months of sobriety, that is a huge deal!!
I love going out for a drink somewhere that makes awesome mocktails. Much to my surprise I find I enjoy it as much as a regular cocktail and I am happy to pay for the craftsmanship & ingredients that go into it. Makes for a good toast.
It took me years to allow myself to drink non alcoholic wine. I love regular wine, everything about it, so it felt like a slippery slope to me. Now I am secure enough that I can easily drink NA vino so it would be an option for a toast. However, I have found it generally sucks so I wouldn't go out and purchase it for myself.
My fav NA drink is called Seedlip, it is a distilled spirit and makes a great mocktail so it is what I use for a special occasion.
And, of course, there is always water which is a great way to truly focus on the celebration of heart & soul rather than what is in the glass!
I admire your honesty! I hope your story resonates for someone who needs it! I am so stoked to see how it's becoming more talked about and that there seems to be a movement of sobriety. I really take issue with the culture of drinking being cool and necessary to have fun or to destress! The t shirts, the bumper stickers....the purses that can hide a whole bottle of wine! Mommy juice! yikes
It is very pervasive in our culture! Women are absolute targets for the alcohol industry with all that crap. When you start to pay attention it's amazing how MUCH of it there is...we are brainwashed.
I think we can lose respect for ourselves in so many ways, everyone has a different technique. Perhaps it's a contributing factor in the rampant anxiety and depression in our world, the loss of that inner knowing?
I can’t speak for others, but I tend to agree with you Donna. I certainly felt like losing connection to that inner knowing contributed to some of my struggles.
Thanks for sharing this Donna. Always happy to hear how others got their own message.
"The more this happened the more I drank but still…there was a spark inside that grew slowly...even with ‘only’ a glass or two (more on weekends - sound familiar?) a day." — sounds very familiar. Lots of folks still tend to think that drinking too much means drinking a LOT, but most people are not at the extreme end of the bell curve on anything. My take on whether one has a "problem," is that if you're asking the question, it's a sign that some part of you wants to change, and so whether it helps you to call it a problem or not, the question is reason enough.
I'd invite you to dig into the question of the so-called "gene for alcoholism." Despite how alcohol use can run in families, and that led a lot of people to think of it as a 'genetic' thing, I'm not aware of any actual evidence of such a gene. It's a common misconception. Personally I think it's sort of a cultural artifact of the disease model.
I've written extensively about my own journey changing my relationship with alcohol, and how I did it, as you did, on my own terms, and without any major catastrophe...
A short version of how—and why—I changed my relationship with alcohol:
Bowen, thank you for sharing these articles you've written. It's great to have them handy here so I can reference them for my clients and anyone who reads this post!
I appreciate your info about the genetic component. It was quite a few years ago that I was looking into it so welcome new info. Whether there is a genetic component or not I find it so interesting how it runs in families even when the behavior was not modelled to the child.
Cheers Donna. I appreciate you being open to hearing something new about the "genetic" thing. It's a common misconception that, in my opinion, perpetuates the idea that there are some of us that are susceptible to the addictive effects of alcohol and some that aren't, as if it's sort of a binary thing that's out of our control — when, for the most part, it's very much within our ability to change.
Beautiful, powerful share, Donna. I'm coming up on 4 years sober this February. I created an annotated directory of Substacks focused on addiction recovery and sobriety here, if anyone's looking for quit lit: https://danaleighlyons.substack.com/p/sober-substack-addiction-recovery-sobriety There are 92 SoberStackers there and counting!
Wow, yeah the 80’s huh??!! Throwing half barrel kegs out hotel windows on the way to a Van Halen concert. That’s what the ‘cool kids’ did.....so I thought!! It took a long time for me to let that all go. Like 40 years....but...I made it into my 50’s alive and sober. A miracle really!!
You’re right!! Life is much better on the other side of all that.
Said goodbye to alcohol on Dec 10th. 5 months. Wow. So far, as hard as it has been, it remains the best decision I've made in a long time. Had been wanting to do it for years. Very difficult when everyone around you still drinks - but I'm hanging in and I don't regret it. Life is so much better without the hangovers and self-loathing that, for me, ALWAYS followed (without exception) a night of drinking.
My excuse has always been gateway to sleep. Calm me down just enough to go to sleep. I need another, better sleep aid. Working on that. Without alcohol.
I can appreciate this excuse Dale, mine was always to relax. I began to question the truth of that by asking myself if there was any possible way I could relax without a glass of wine. Of course, the answer was yes. I did this over and over until I found I could no longer say I was having a glass of wine to relax. It was one of the things that contributed to the shift. It's amazing how it can become so insidious and habitual without our conscious awareness.
Thanks for dropping into my comments section, it's so nice to see you here!
Wahoo!!! Yippee!!!! I commend you Lisa, I hope you feel those vibes over the cyberwaves. You are so right, it is much harder to stop when everyone around you partakes. That requires depth of character and digging deep. Being very clear on WHY you are doing it so that when those triggers show up (sun, camping, hockey game, any general Friday night, Christmas...haha, those are some of mine!) we have the ability to hold on.
What I didn't touch on in this article is usually the stopping is the easiest part and most people don't realize this. After quitting comes feeling the feelings that were being masked and allowing ourselves not to numb out. This is why working with someone who has walked the path ahead is so helpful, books, coaches, meetings, yoga....whatever works for each person.
It is verrrrry worthwhile work. (There's my mad writing skills in action, haha!) Congratulations on 5 months of sobriety, that is a huge deal!!
There is no right way. Whatever works. Thanks for sharing Donna!
Thank you Dee, I appreciate your kind words.
Quitting drinking has been one of the best changes I have made in my life. Stay proud of yourself, Donna!
Thank you Paul, right back at you!
Thx for this. Curious if you might sip for a special toast or just use water? I’m in between.
I love going out for a drink somewhere that makes awesome mocktails. Much to my surprise I find I enjoy it as much as a regular cocktail and I am happy to pay for the craftsmanship & ingredients that go into it. Makes for a good toast.
It took me years to allow myself to drink non alcoholic wine. I love regular wine, everything about it, so it felt like a slippery slope to me. Now I am secure enough that I can easily drink NA vino so it would be an option for a toast. However, I have found it generally sucks so I wouldn't go out and purchase it for myself.
My fav NA drink is called Seedlip, it is a distilled spirit and makes a great mocktail so it is what I use for a special occasion.
And, of course, there is always water which is a great way to truly focus on the celebration of heart & soul rather than what is in the glass!
Will look for Seedlip. Sounds intriguing.
I admire your honesty! I hope your story resonates for someone who needs it! I am so stoked to see how it's becoming more talked about and that there seems to be a movement of sobriety. I really take issue with the culture of drinking being cool and necessary to have fun or to destress! The t shirts, the bumper stickers....the purses that can hide a whole bottle of wine! Mommy juice! yikes
It is very pervasive in our culture! Women are absolute targets for the alcohol industry with all that crap. When you start to pay attention it's amazing how MUCH of it there is...we are brainwashed.
Thank you for your comment Jody!
Bravo!
Thank you Mark!
This is a lovely piece Donna. I really liked the line “I witnessed my soul lose respect for myself” - I related to that a lot.
I also appreciate that you acknowledged that there is no right way to get sober - as I think that can be helpful for people to hear.
Thank you
Thank you so much Michael!
I think we can lose respect for ourselves in so many ways, everyone has a different technique. Perhaps it's a contributing factor in the rampant anxiety and depression in our world, the loss of that inner knowing?
I can’t speak for others, but I tend to agree with you Donna. I certainly felt like losing connection to that inner knowing contributed to some of my struggles.
Thanks for sharing this Donna. Always happy to hear how others got their own message.
"The more this happened the more I drank but still…there was a spark inside that grew slowly...even with ‘only’ a glass or two (more on weekends - sound familiar?) a day." — sounds very familiar. Lots of folks still tend to think that drinking too much means drinking a LOT, but most people are not at the extreme end of the bell curve on anything. My take on whether one has a "problem," is that if you're asking the question, it's a sign that some part of you wants to change, and so whether it helps you to call it a problem or not, the question is reason enough.
I'd invite you to dig into the question of the so-called "gene for alcoholism." Despite how alcohol use can run in families, and that led a lot of people to think of it as a 'genetic' thing, I'm not aware of any actual evidence of such a gene. It's a common misconception. Personally I think it's sort of a cultural artifact of the disease model.
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/symptoms-and-signs/hereditary-or-genetic
I've written extensively about my own journey changing my relationship with alcohol, and how I did it, as you did, on my own terms, and without any major catastrophe...
A short version of how—and why—I changed my relationship with alcohol:
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/change-of-heart
I still love wine... I just don't drink it any longer:
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/a-five-minute-love-affair-with-natural
Five Years Sober*
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/five-years-sober
Sex is Better Sober...and 19 other reasons why Alcohol is Obsolete:
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/sex-is-better-sober
Well done. Good to be here with you, on the other side!
Bowen, thank you for sharing these articles you've written. It's great to have them handy here so I can reference them for my clients and anyone who reads this post!
I appreciate your info about the genetic component. It was quite a few years ago that I was looking into it so welcome new info. Whether there is a genetic component or not I find it so interesting how it runs in families even when the behavior was not modelled to the child.
Cheers Donna. I appreciate you being open to hearing something new about the "genetic" thing. It's a common misconception that, in my opinion, perpetuates the idea that there are some of us that are susceptible to the addictive effects of alcohol and some that aren't, as if it's sort of a binary thing that's out of our control — when, for the most part, it's very much within our ability to change.
Beautiful, powerful share, Donna. I'm coming up on 4 years sober this February. I created an annotated directory of Substacks focused on addiction recovery and sobriety here, if anyone's looking for quit lit: https://danaleighlyons.substack.com/p/sober-substack-addiction-recovery-sobriety There are 92 SoberStackers there and counting!
Thanks for posting this resource here Dana, my readers may find it very helpful❤
Your story resonates greatly with me.thank you so much for sharing it Donna.
Thanks for taking the time to read it Kathi! I appreciate your presence in my comments section and applaud your son for the changes he’s made!
Two years on November 10th, thank "GG"- it is a Bright Life, isn't it? 💛💛💛
Sweet!!!
Powerful Donna
Thank you so much Heather, and for taking the time to comment.
Wow, yeah the 80’s huh??!! Throwing half barrel kegs out hotel windows on the way to a Van Halen concert. That’s what the ‘cool kids’ did.....so I thought!! It took a long time for me to let that all go. Like 40 years....but...I made it into my 50’s alive and sober. A miracle really!!
You’re right!! Life is much better on the other side of all that.
Good post!!! I related to it entirely. Thanks!!!