Love is tricky - especially when it comes to cooking

an example of how things get tangled up when you're an adult

Hit the ❤️ button in BRIGHT solidarity if there are some domestic tasks you don’t love. If you’re fond of all things domestic, good on you, you are truly amazing — so hit the ❤️ in honor of that too A big shout out to my new paid subscribers, I’m thrilled by the number of folks who have hopped on board recently! If you haven’t grabbed a subscription to everything TBL you can do that here if you’re interested and, in return, here’s my cybersmooch, xoxo.

I took this pic on my morning walk this week, which is what I’d rather be doing than cooking. That, or writing to you!

The thing about me is I don’t like cooking - and yet it’s also my love language.

This tricky (and sometimes overwhelming) conundrum produces a lot of drama in my head, and it can get exhausting.

I hear you thinking “well then why don’t you stop cooking???”

If only it was that easy.

Have you ever found that it’s one thing to see the patterns that are not serving you and another thing to fully change them? I see you nodding yes, and yes.

In case it helps you to see your own patterns, here’s a short bullet about what I’ve learned about myself and cooking. Spoiler alert: it’s not actually about the cooking and if you’re looking for a solution, I have none.

• My parents showed their love through food, but I didn’t recognize this until the same pattern had become a habitual part of who I am. Guess how I show my love?

• My matriarchal line is big on acts of service as well as the traditional wife role. This generational imprint is deep. (I’ve written a lot about this. Here's the post from last week that I took out of the paid subscription archive so you could get a better look at me.)

• This one might stretch your brain a bit, but I realized a couple of years ago that my unconscious mind thinks if I feed my boys well that, for some divine reason, they will be safer when they go out in the world (think dangerous activities on high mountains). When they come to visit there is some hidden part of me that thinks I can control their well-being by feeding them, even though they are adults and they are good cooks. Try as I might, my non-thinking mind struggles to let go of this. We are human, which means sometimes we do weird or silly things!

• There is limited take-out in my small town, a simple fact of life that has implications for me.

I’m sharing this cooking story because I believe that self-awareness is important for us to heal our dysfunctional patterns so we can live closer to our true self which creates a positive ripple effect in the world.

At this time in my life, it’s not realistic for me to completely stop cooking. But what I can do is watch my reactions and check what lies below the surface. What I find there will show me something about myself and, even if there is no immediate solution, perhaps the world around me will respond with opportunities for change that I can’t currently see.

How about you Honeybun? I’m curious what patterns you’ve found that you would like to change yet it seems like a constant struggle? Is there anything you do in the moment that will create a shift in the right direction?

I know there are many claims on your attention with so many amazing writers here on Substack - the best in the world - so I am humbled and honored that you choose to spend your time with me. Did you know you can see everything I’ve created on my website at THE BRIGHT LIFE? I hope you check it out.

Most important my friend, please remember you are magnificent! Even if you’re not feeling it right this moment there is only one of you in this world and we need what you’ve got.

xoxo Donna