Spoiler alert: this is not a post about how we must fail before we succeed. We’ve all been there, done that. Rather, it’s a little reminder about taking the time for a quick personal inventory before committing to that thing you’re being asked to do - even if you’re demanding it of yourself.
But first, a story about (one of my many) epic fails…
It was so boring. The talk seemed endless, there was yawning. This was before there were phones for scrolling so it was a captive audience in the conference room, and they wanted to fall asleep in their seats. “Who hired this lame presenter?” they asked.
Unfortunately, the speaker was me and I sucked.
My public speaking debut as a fully-fledged adult, and healthcare practitioner, was a total wipeout and I was mortified.
It was the only time I was not asked back for a repeat performance and it took me some time to get over it because, you know, ego.
The failure lived front and center for a while. It wasn’t until I pushed myself back on stage again, and again, that I realized the reason I bombed was because I didn’t set myself up properly going in. I wasn’t clear on what I needed - so what I was putting out into the world came out muddled.
I’m not a performance expert, but it seems to me we fail for a few simple reasons:
1. we take on something we don’t have the skill to do,
2. we don’t properly prepare for the task at hand,
3. we waste time, and precious energy, comparing ourselves to other people who are ahead of us on the path. We think we should be as good as them, which is quite ridiculous when you think about it.
What if, before we commit to something, we ask ourselves…
Are we sufficiently resourced to meet the task at hand?
This basic question cuts through layers of uncertainty and, dare I say, stress. Deciding if we should participate in something, whether it’s as small as attending a concert or as big as going back to school can be straightforward if we frame it this way. Do you have what you need to do the thing? This means inner resources such as WANTING TO DO IT rather than feeling you should, sufficient physical and mental energy to get the job done, as well as the knowledge or skill necessary (and if you don’t have that will you be able to find it)? You are also asking yourself about outer resources -everything from the necessary finances to the physical space in your life, including time in your schedule to take it on.
Let’s say you answer Yes! I have what I need to do this. That’s awesome, now you can start creating your plan, or dive right in, depending on how you like to roll through life.
What if your response is No! I don’t feel sufficiently resourced to pull this off. No problem. The next question might be as simple as “Are you prepared to do what it takes, to get what you need, to do the thing”? Work longer hours, go back to adult high school to get the pre-requisites, paint the primer before the first coat…and in my case rehearse my presentation so many times that I knew the material back to front without looking at my notes. Are you up for that kind of effort? If the answer is yes then get cracking. If the answer is not right now, rest easy Dear One because you’ve likely eliminated some stress by not taking on something that doesn’t work for you at this time. Well done!
Whichever way the chips fall everything is perfect but it starts with tuning in with yourself…something I did not do with that first speaking engagement many years ago. (Heads up if you’re one of the lovely folks who has recently asked me to speak for you, rest assured I now have my act together and it won’t be boring! Also, if you’re looking for a speaker drop me an email donnamcarthur@subsack.com, I’d love to chat).
While writing this post I came across this Note from
, perfect message with perfect timing.Your presence here is very special to me. If you appreciate this essay please drop me a heart, it means a lot.
In the meantime Hon, stay awesome and may you move through your coming days with ease.
xoxo Donna
This is a great example of failing forward! So much of our learning is experiential and the key is to reflect afterwards so that we can change for the next time around.
Also, I want to know what you speak on, I'd love to be in that audience!
Such great insight combined with solid advice. Love it! Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation like The Far Side cartoon with the elephant on stage playing a grand piano solo at a full concert. A thought bubble says: What am I doing here? I am not a pianist. I am a flutist!" Maybe you have to see it...