You wrote about failure with every question for good consideration, but mostly, what I walk away with is a smile. What this essay shows me is the importance of giving ourselves a chuckle and a break. Thank you!! Loved reading this . . . and (still) smiling!
i so appreciate that you offered and ecouraged room to say no if the project requires materials, expertise or time you don't have! i get busy saying yes sometimes and it bites when, halfway in, i realize i actually don't have the right amount of bandwidth to give it justice. glad you found your own ways to pivot here! <3
The thing I struggle with is some of the daily stuff (cooking comes to mind) that I no longer feel I have the bandwidth for because I don't like it much, and yet I have this internal thing telling me I have to do it. There is a lot tied in to my sense of having to do it that needs unpacking! Thankfully it's become a little easier for me to discern if it's a good fit for bigger stuff.
You don't remember the answers to the questions you got right, but rather the answers to the questions in which you made a mistake. Knowing what you get wrong is what ultimately prepares you to succeed, and although you might have failed the test, you will ace the exam (although I'm sharing this with others, I really needed to remind myself of this today too)
I love this sentiment "You might have failed the test but you will ace the exam"! This is so true, yet so difficult to hold on to in the moment. Thank you so much of dropping into the comments to remind us of this, I appreciate it.
As painful as the splats are—once we pick up the moist mess that is us after the splats—we are so much more informed. I love that you shared this with vulnerability and then the lessons from it. ❤️🙏
I laughed out loud when you explained your first public speaking engagement. I could relate!!!
You mentioned people fell asleep, you thought it was boring, etc. My first experience was similar . I took a public speaking course many years ago when I was working for a Hospital Foundation on Vancouver Island and the weekly evening course was held in a conference room at a retirement community where the average age was about 80. A few of the residents attended and their role was to provide feedback. On a few occasions some were sleeping, some were hard of hearing and others were kind and gave a raving review.
( Bless their hearts ❤️ 🙏🏻 )
We know in our hearts when things go well, when they don’t and we need more practice, more preparation, more time etc.
I loved the way you laid out the steps to help determine what is needed before taking on that “next project, next event , next commitment! I sure could have used that process when I was busy working full time and taking courses. When you love what you do and the work and projects are meaningful it’s easy to keep saying yes.
Its stressful when you don’t have the resources but do it anyways, and it feels so good when we have the time, take the steps needed and have the people in our lives that offer their support and encouragement along the way. 🙏🏻
What a great story Lynn! The audience at the retirement home was likely an accurate representation of any audience - a percentage asleep, some hard of hearing likely because they're on their phone and the rest loving it. One part of the lesson I learned this first time, and at a few other engagements as well, is to decline a speaking engagement if I'm slotted after dinner! That never seems to go well.
I think being clear with ourselves about our time and resources helps us be able to tune in to what is most important and evaluate from there. Thank you for your awesome comment, it's always lovely to see you here❤
I like that you give space to the idea of excelling but also withdrawing from a project. It's so important to listen to yourself. And give yourself a push, if you think you’re almost there OR to be honest about not being ready yet.
Yes, sometimes I find it's a fine line because resistance can make me feel like I'm not ready for this thing when deep down I know I am. You are absolutely right Sylwia, it's about deeply knowing ourselves so we can discern what's going on (and also that knowing helps talk us off the edge when we are unsuccessful). One thing I know for sure is that an epic fail contributes a lot to inner knowledge if we choose to look there😬!
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, it means a lot to me that you are here.
I really like the idea that whether we decide to go for the thing or we decide we’re not ready yet — that both choices are wins. That is a helpful way of thinking about it, that had not occurred to me.
Thank you for the mention Donna, I am glad my writing resonated with you.
I know how it feels like to fail and it's a really tough road to navigate. I failed because of "too many expectations", specifically the expectations that I had from myself. I just kept going, did not slow down to focus on my wellbeing and failed despite giving my all to something I really wanted to achieve in my life. I don't think I will ever do that to myself again. But I am glad I had that experience because it taught me what is truly valuable in life: my wellbeing. 🌻
This is such a hard lesson. For many of us, our expectations can derail our best efforts and I've found I must constantly temper them and it's not easy. As you have written about, and I've experienced as well, when those expectations are inferred from other people (even if they aren't real but only our perspective) it's harder to tackle.
I love the synchronicity that happens on Substack - I was writing this and came across your Note that tied it together perfectly! Thank you Mansi.
Donna, I always appreciate your essays! The big thing that jumped out of this one for me was EGO. It can be the killer of all things in so many different ways.
I somehow can't imagine you bombing at anything but I suppose you had to go through the bombs to become the woman I know and love right now 😊
Thank you for sharing this personal experience and what you learned. Failing is hard. Failing in front of a crowd is downright awful. This has happened to me too. It took tremendous effort to get back on the horse— as they say— especially when it felt like the horse was 27 hands— huge.
Yes, I guess there are little fails and big fails and they all lead in the same direction even though it's hard to tolerate at the time. It does always feel so huge.
I was just talking to a friend at work…”why don’t you get roped into doing all these side projects?” I asked. “Whenever they ask, I say I don’t have the resources or time to manage it,” he said. “You always just say yes,” he reminded me. Guilty as charged.
I’ve been meditating on how to best incorporate this for myself.
Caroline, thanks for sharing this insight. Your friend has an excellent response! It sums up exactly what I'm suggesting we all ask ourselves and I love they have a verbal response to give to other people. I'm going to incorporate that one too!
Wendy, this comment makes my day. Every time I write a post I say a prayer asking that it lands in the hearts of my readers who might find it helpful or uplifting. Thank you!
Such great insight combined with solid advice. Love it! Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation like The Far Side cartoon with the elephant on stage playing a grand piano solo at a full concert. A thought bubble says: What am I doing here? I am not a pianist. I am a flutist!" Maybe you have to see it...
I appreciate this a lot so here’s a heart ❤️
Thanks Victoria!
Donna,
You wrote about failure with every question for good consideration, but mostly, what I walk away with is a smile. What this essay shows me is the importance of giving ourselves a chuckle and a break. Thank you!! Loved reading this . . . and (still) smiling!
A chuckle and a break are very important! If I could offer that to you Renee then I have accomplished what I set out to do! ❤
🥰🤸♀️🥰
Can't tell you how long it took me to see "failure" as opportunities to learn and grow instead of existential black marks. Almost there... ;) xo
It's a tough lesson to get. I'm on the lifetime plan😬
i so appreciate that you offered and ecouraged room to say no if the project requires materials, expertise or time you don't have! i get busy saying yes sometimes and it bites when, halfway in, i realize i actually don't have the right amount of bandwidth to give it justice. glad you found your own ways to pivot here! <3
The thing I struggle with is some of the daily stuff (cooking comes to mind) that I no longer feel I have the bandwidth for because I don't like it much, and yet I have this internal thing telling me I have to do it. There is a lot tied in to my sense of having to do it that needs unpacking! Thankfully it's become a little easier for me to discern if it's a good fit for bigger stuff.
Thanks for being here civil!!
You don't remember the answers to the questions you got right, but rather the answers to the questions in which you made a mistake. Knowing what you get wrong is what ultimately prepares you to succeed, and although you might have failed the test, you will ace the exam (although I'm sharing this with others, I really needed to remind myself of this today too)
I love this sentiment "You might have failed the test but you will ace the exam"! This is so true, yet so difficult to hold on to in the moment. Thank you so much of dropping into the comments to remind us of this, I appreciate it.
As painful as the splats are—once we pick up the moist mess that is us after the splats—we are so much more informed. I love that you shared this with vulnerability and then the lessons from it. ❤️🙏
Thank you Dee, as always I appreciate your presence here. xox
I laughed out loud when you explained your first public speaking engagement. I could relate!!!
You mentioned people fell asleep, you thought it was boring, etc. My first experience was similar . I took a public speaking course many years ago when I was working for a Hospital Foundation on Vancouver Island and the weekly evening course was held in a conference room at a retirement community where the average age was about 80. A few of the residents attended and their role was to provide feedback. On a few occasions some were sleeping, some were hard of hearing and others were kind and gave a raving review.
( Bless their hearts ❤️ 🙏🏻 )
We know in our hearts when things go well, when they don’t and we need more practice, more preparation, more time etc.
I loved the way you laid out the steps to help determine what is needed before taking on that “next project, next event , next commitment! I sure could have used that process when I was busy working full time and taking courses. When you love what you do and the work and projects are meaningful it’s easy to keep saying yes.
Its stressful when you don’t have the resources but do it anyways, and it feels so good when we have the time, take the steps needed and have the people in our lives that offer their support and encouragement along the way. 🙏🏻
What a great story Lynn! The audience at the retirement home was likely an accurate representation of any audience - a percentage asleep, some hard of hearing likely because they're on their phone and the rest loving it. One part of the lesson I learned this first time, and at a few other engagements as well, is to decline a speaking engagement if I'm slotted after dinner! That never seems to go well.
I think being clear with ourselves about our time and resources helps us be able to tune in to what is most important and evaluate from there. Thank you for your awesome comment, it's always lovely to see you here❤
I like that you give space to the idea of excelling but also withdrawing from a project. It's so important to listen to yourself. And give yourself a push, if you think you’re almost there OR to be honest about not being ready yet.
Yes, sometimes I find it's a fine line because resistance can make me feel like I'm not ready for this thing when deep down I know I am. You are absolutely right Sylwia, it's about deeply knowing ourselves so we can discern what's going on (and also that knowing helps talk us off the edge when we are unsuccessful). One thing I know for sure is that an epic fail contributes a lot to inner knowledge if we choose to look there😬!
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, it means a lot to me that you are here.
I really like the idea that whether we decide to go for the thing or we decide we’re not ready yet — that both choices are wins. That is a helpful way of thinking about it, that had not occurred to me.
Thanks Donna :)
You are so welcome Michael!
Thank you for the mention Donna, I am glad my writing resonated with you.
I know how it feels like to fail and it's a really tough road to navigate. I failed because of "too many expectations", specifically the expectations that I had from myself. I just kept going, did not slow down to focus on my wellbeing and failed despite giving my all to something I really wanted to achieve in my life. I don't think I will ever do that to myself again. But I am glad I had that experience because it taught me what is truly valuable in life: my wellbeing. 🌻
This is such a hard lesson. For many of us, our expectations can derail our best efforts and I've found I must constantly temper them and it's not easy. As you have written about, and I've experienced as well, when those expectations are inferred from other people (even if they aren't real but only our perspective) it's harder to tackle.
I love the synchronicity that happens on Substack - I was writing this and came across your Note that tied it together perfectly! Thank you Mansi.
Donna, I always appreciate your essays! The big thing that jumped out of this one for me was EGO. It can be the killer of all things in so many different ways.
I somehow can't imagine you bombing at anything but I suppose you had to go through the bombs to become the woman I know and love right now 😊
So many bombs, some more spectacular than others🤣, thankfully many were less public than this one. xoxo
Thank you for sharing this personal experience and what you learned. Failing is hard. Failing in front of a crowd is downright awful. This has happened to me too. It took tremendous effort to get back on the horse— as they say— especially when it felt like the horse was 27 hands— huge.
Yes, I guess there are little fails and big fails and they all lead in the same direction even though it's hard to tolerate at the time. It does always feel so huge.
I was just talking to a friend at work…”why don’t you get roped into doing all these side projects?” I asked. “Whenever they ask, I say I don’t have the resources or time to manage it,” he said. “You always just say yes,” he reminded me. Guilty as charged.
I’ve been meditating on how to best incorporate this for myself.
Caroline, thanks for sharing this insight. Your friend has an excellent response! It sums up exactly what I'm suggesting we all ask ourselves and I love they have a verbal response to give to other people. I'm going to incorporate that one too!
Thank you Donna! This is a very clear and helpful reminder to do all I can to fully show up 💛✨
Whitney, you are so welcome! Thanks for being here, I'm glad it was helpful.💕
Extremely helpful
Wendy, this comment makes my day. Every time I write a post I say a prayer asking that it lands in the hearts of my readers who might find it helpful or uplifting. Thank you!
No, thank you. 😊🦕
Such great insight combined with solid advice. Love it! Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation like The Far Side cartoon with the elephant on stage playing a grand piano solo at a full concert. A thought bubble says: What am I doing here? I am not a pianist. I am a flutist!" Maybe you have to see it...
I love that visual Adele! I haven't seen that cartoon but am very familiar with the feeling🤣