This post was such a needed reminder today. I also ended up having a difficult conversation with a friend today to convey my needs. People pleasing is a terrible mental prison to be in. Thank you for this gentle reminder to keep stepping into things that are not quite as cozy and continuing to step into life.
You're right Robyn, people pleasing IS a mental prison! I'm Canadian so it's deeeeeeply embedded in our culture and a tough one to shift. I think elevating our awareness is key to being able to observe our actions and make a different choice.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, it's lovely to see you here❤️
I second everything you said here Donna. It’s funny how we can fall into the trap of thinking we just need to rest more (especially with an achey back) but that some of the time what we actually need is to do a bit of movement. The trouble I’ve always had is finding the right balance. Not pushing too hard, but not chilling too hard either. It’s taken a long time, but I think I’m starting to get there. :)
It's a very common, and understandable, misconception. Of course there are times with a sore back when movement is the last thing you want to do. You're right that it's a bit of a juggling act but, like everything else, we figure out where our line is. I think we get into trouble when we don't even try to reach our edge. As adults we rarely push ourselves to the limit (I rarely do this) and it can be super valuable for our whole self to do that once in a while if for no other reason than to recognize that we can do hard things.
Unfortunately, after what you've just been through you already know you can do hard things💕
Yes, it’s certainly a juggling act. I’ve been thinking about that in terms of balance a lot later. Balance, harmony, and the middle way — just trying to find that sweet spot between pushing too hard and not pushing enough.
Big hell yes to all of this, Donna. For me, these days, I notice that when I publish a post with straightforward (but caring, compassionate) wellness guidance, that’s when I’m most likely to lose long-time subscribers who aren’t used to hearing that part of me.
And there’s such pushback these days in certain circles against doing anything that makes us temporarily uncomfortable in order to ultimately feel better (which impacts not just us, but our work, relationships, and capacity to show up in a skillful, well-resourced way).
Something I was contemplating just this morning is how, oftentimes, people rail against small daily disciplines or acts of physical caretaking - as though to suggest them is a violence, or at least an affront. But actually, some of those folks taking offense seem pretty miserable where they are now. So I have to wonder: isn’t it worth trying something different? Especially if you’re miserable anyway? You might be pleasantly surprised where you end up!
I think it was Glennon Doyle who said: “Choose your hard.”
I am surprised, and sad, that you lose readers when you share your approach to total health Dana. You present a common-sense, nurturing path to wellness. I don’t even like using the word path because it’s the only way – eat real food, move your body, nurture your soul, work your brain and calm your mind.
We have been conditioned by our culture to not have to do the really hard work. We dip our toe in the water and think that we are ‘doing it’ when, our toe getting wet, is the tip of the iceberg and soon we will be called to submerge our whole self. This is damn hard and the most rewarding.
Hard now or much hard later - that's exactly the message I was trying to get across, just as greater minds than mine like Glennon have shared for all the ages!
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time to drop in.❤️
“Do one thing everyday that scares you. Those small things that make us uncomfortable help us build courage to do the work we do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Also, the fact that people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. WTF? Anyway, for me, it's every time I do a video post...which is once a week now. I effing hate it. But, it's part of the job/doing my work. And so, I get to cringe on a regular basis and also say, "Oh, well. So what? Who cares?!" LOL. xo
I have not had a chance to be active online the last few weeks, aside from my own writing, so I look forward to checking out more of your videos Sandra. They are a sure-fire way into discomfort for most of us so well done for showing up👏
Oh yes we choose unhappiness over uncertainty all the time! It seems like we do this more and more often as we get older and the only way to overcome it is to show up fully for ourselves. I know this sounds like a Hallmark card, "show up fully"🤣 but sometimes cliches are also full of truth.
As always, I love seeing you here. Thanks for commenting!
The funny thing about getting older (and truly running out of fux, which I have fully embraced), is that I'm all "Why not?" about new things. I don't want to stay stuck. So, that means sticking my neck out, from time to time. I still have good reflexes, so I can wind it back in, if need be. LOL.
And thank you for the kind words, Donna. You certainly light up this space. ❤️ xo
My current way of adding discomfort to my life is promoting my paid Zoom small group. I rarely mention anything I charge for. Then I tell myself I suck at marketing and will never generate enough income doing work I love that genuinely helps people!
Thank you, Donna! Yes, I know many weary souls - myself included - who need spiritual support these days. That’s why I created the Zoom group, and people in the last one loved it so much they paid extra to keep meeting for the rest of the year.
I’m offering it again, partly because some faith communities are still supporting Trump (or staying silent) instead of standing up for and with those he’s harming.
And also because people who are spiritual but not religious (or the government-backed kind of religious) need and deserve spiritual support, not religious intimidation.
I hear you Wendi, self promotion is SO difficult for many of us. If you're interested Amanda Hinton just had Lucy Werner on her publication The Editing Spectrum where Lucy discussed this very thing in an authentic, heart-centered way. You might enjoy the post.
Way to go telling everyone, including all of us, about your group. What is it about and what do you do there?
I just popped into the link you shared and it looks fantastic! Spiritual Support for Weary Souls - don't we all need some of that? Keep on sharing Wendi💕
I use a hand coffee grinder every night. Could easily buy a cheaper electric one but five minutes each night grinding my coffee makes me slightly uncomfortable and more grateful when I have my morning coffee
Thanks for sharing Tony, this is a great example of earning our comfort even in a small way. I don't meant that all comfort requires us to work for it because the ability to find comfort should be inherent. Yet it's true, as you say, that things seem more enjoyable after we've put in some effort.
Great essay. Chronic comfort is a more truthful way of saying, Set in their ways. I definitely have to push myself to take a walk every day. As a writer it’s easy to get stuck in one place and not move around. All of these self nudges take energy too— which is another way to make excuses. Haha.
Thanks Hon, I'm glad you liked it! I am guilty of telling myself I don't have enough time to work out or meditate. HAHAHA! Who doesn't have time to do the most important thing? Me, some days. All of us some days. Yet it's amazing how good we feel when we push ourselves and prove to our best self we can do it, even if it's going for a walk.
However, you are in the middle of moving. THAT is a very hard thing so be gentle with yourself❤️
Yes. In the middle of literally moving. Does that mean I don’t have to take a walk? Sometimes after walking around the grocery store and pushing a cranky cart I feel like I exercised for the day.
I'm thinking you might need to lay down in the middle of the move! What is it they say - that it's one of the most stressful events in our life even when it's for great reasons. Sending love for you to sail through it!💕
Hi Donna, I love the quote and how true it is - we are good enough, and at the same time, we can be better. When Dan was alive, he took good care of me, and I let him, which allowed me to live in a very nice comfort zone. After he died, I had to face some hard truths about myself and life. I could and had to do better, now that I was on my own. That's not meant as a criticism of the younger me, but a fact of my life. In retrospect, I wish I had been more involved sooner.
I appreciate you sharing this Janice because it nudges the rest of us to take a look at where we might not be paying attention in our own life. That being said, we ALL slide into habits that are easier because we are human. When you're raising a family and working some stuff has to go by the wayside no matter how much we might want to be involved. If you could shine a lens back into that time you would likely see that you were doing everything you could to get by even if it meant Dan was also doing a lot too.
So true Donna. It is so much easier just to sit back and complain. You are an inspiration to your patients. Even if we don’t listen all the time. ♥️. I have changed my diet hoping that helps. No white flour, no sugar, no processed foods, and no alcohol. Also doing stretches. 🤗. Happy Easter. 🐥
Thank you for your kind words Jeannine. If I could inspire one person to create change it would mean the world to me so I appreciate you saying so❤️
Well done on those lifestyle changes, especially if you're doing them all at once! I'm a bit like that too - an all or nothing approach suits me best. It's rocky at first and then so much better. I hope over time you notice a big difference.
Thanks for taking the time to comment and Happy Easter to you too!
I’m thinking now of the complainer who searches high and low for the cure for their pain. They will spend so much energy, whine so loud, and suffer so hard to avoid slowing down and just doing the work, whatever it might be, that could help their back/ emotional distress/ chronic illness.
In steps Dr. Perscriptionator to save the day. Instant cures in a pill. No need to do anything hard, just pop this pill.
I remember years ago reading the work of Dr.Bernie Seigel, a retired pediatric surgeon, who wrote about healing. He said it was fascinating how sometimes a cure could actually be offered and the patient would not take it and all the ramifications of that. We are deeply layered human beings!
Thanks for taking the time to comment Tim, you are a busy guy so I appreciate it.
“We’re not stuck because we don’t know the answer. We’re stuck because the answer is hard.”
Donna, this line holds so much quiet truth it nearly stopped me. It’s not confusion that paralyzes us—it’s the clarity we’re afraid to step into, the kind that asks something of us. Your words remind me that, often, we already carry the answer within us, trembling and whole. The real work is in having the courage to live it. Thank you for writing with such honesty—it reaches further than you know. P.S. Wishing you a beautiful Easter holiday. 🤍
Dear Thaisssa🩷 I’m glad that line snuck into the crevasse of your heart to light you up. Sometimes we will know what we need to do but we’re not quite ready so we must turn away. I think the key is to keep coming back to that truth and leaning into it until we’re ready to step fully that direction.
A heartfelt thank you for your presence here, as always!
As someone who highly values adaptability, I love this term—chronic comfort. Thanks, as always, for a wise, interesting perspective.
Comfort is queen, chronic comfort, maybe not so much!
Thanks for dropping by Holly😘
This post was such a needed reminder today. I also ended up having a difficult conversation with a friend today to convey my needs. People pleasing is a terrible mental prison to be in. Thank you for this gentle reminder to keep stepping into things that are not quite as cozy and continuing to step into life.
You're right Robyn, people pleasing IS a mental prison! I'm Canadian so it's deeeeeeply embedded in our culture and a tough one to shift. I think elevating our awareness is key to being able to observe our actions and make a different choice.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, it's lovely to see you here❤️
I second everything you said here Donna. It’s funny how we can fall into the trap of thinking we just need to rest more (especially with an achey back) but that some of the time what we actually need is to do a bit of movement. The trouble I’ve always had is finding the right balance. Not pushing too hard, but not chilling too hard either. It’s taken a long time, but I think I’m starting to get there. :)
It's a very common, and understandable, misconception. Of course there are times with a sore back when movement is the last thing you want to do. You're right that it's a bit of a juggling act but, like everything else, we figure out where our line is. I think we get into trouble when we don't even try to reach our edge. As adults we rarely push ourselves to the limit (I rarely do this) and it can be super valuable for our whole self to do that once in a while if for no other reason than to recognize that we can do hard things.
Unfortunately, after what you've just been through you already know you can do hard things💕
Yes, it’s certainly a juggling act. I’ve been thinking about that in terms of balance a lot later. Balance, harmony, and the middle way — just trying to find that sweet spot between pushing too hard and not pushing enough.
Hahaha indeed. Thank you Donna :)
It is definitely a sweet spot that can be hard to find.
Big hell yes to all of this, Donna. For me, these days, I notice that when I publish a post with straightforward (but caring, compassionate) wellness guidance, that’s when I’m most likely to lose long-time subscribers who aren’t used to hearing that part of me.
And there’s such pushback these days in certain circles against doing anything that makes us temporarily uncomfortable in order to ultimately feel better (which impacts not just us, but our work, relationships, and capacity to show up in a skillful, well-resourced way).
Something I was contemplating just this morning is how, oftentimes, people rail against small daily disciplines or acts of physical caretaking - as though to suggest them is a violence, or at least an affront. But actually, some of those folks taking offense seem pretty miserable where they are now. So I have to wonder: isn’t it worth trying something different? Especially if you’re miserable anyway? You might be pleasantly surprised where you end up!
I think it was Glennon Doyle who said: “Choose your hard.”
I am surprised, and sad, that you lose readers when you share your approach to total health Dana. You present a common-sense, nurturing path to wellness. I don’t even like using the word path because it’s the only way – eat real food, move your body, nurture your soul, work your brain and calm your mind.
We have been conditioned by our culture to not have to do the really hard work. We dip our toe in the water and think that we are ‘doing it’ when, our toe getting wet, is the tip of the iceberg and soon we will be called to submerge our whole self. This is damn hard and the most rewarding.
Hard now or much hard later - that's exactly the message I was trying to get across, just as greater minds than mine like Glennon have shared for all the ages!
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time to drop in.❤️
“Do one thing everyday that scares you. Those small things that make us uncomfortable help us build courage to do the work we do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Also, the fact that people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. WTF? Anyway, for me, it's every time I do a video post...which is once a week now. I effing hate it. But, it's part of the job/doing my work. And so, I get to cringe on a regular basis and also say, "Oh, well. So what? Who cares?!" LOL. xo
I have not had a chance to be active online the last few weeks, aside from my own writing, so I look forward to checking out more of your videos Sandra. They are a sure-fire way into discomfort for most of us so well done for showing up👏
Oh yes we choose unhappiness over uncertainty all the time! It seems like we do this more and more often as we get older and the only way to overcome it is to show up fully for ourselves. I know this sounds like a Hallmark card, "show up fully"🤣 but sometimes cliches are also full of truth.
As always, I love seeing you here. Thanks for commenting!
The funny thing about getting older (and truly running out of fux, which I have fully embraced), is that I'm all "Why not?" about new things. I don't want to stay stuck. So, that means sticking my neck out, from time to time. I still have good reflexes, so I can wind it back in, if need be. LOL.
And thank you for the kind words, Donna. You certainly light up this space. ❤️ xo
Running out of fux🤣🤣🤣
My current way of adding discomfort to my life is promoting my paid Zoom small group. I rarely mention anything I charge for. Then I tell myself I suck at marketing and will never generate enough income doing work I love that genuinely helps people!
And I’m uncomfortable even sharing the link here, but am doing it: https://bit.ly/wearysouls
Thank you, Donna! Yes, I know many weary souls - myself included - who need spiritual support these days. That’s why I created the Zoom group, and people in the last one loved it so much they paid extra to keep meeting for the rest of the year.
I’m offering it again, partly because some faith communities are still supporting Trump (or staying silent) instead of standing up for and with those he’s harming.
And also because people who are spiritual but not religious (or the government-backed kind of religious) need and deserve spiritual support, not religious intimidation.
It's important work you're doing Wendi.
I hear you Wendi, self promotion is SO difficult for many of us. If you're interested Amanda Hinton just had Lucy Werner on her publication The Editing Spectrum where Lucy discussed this very thing in an authentic, heart-centered way. You might enjoy the post.
Way to go telling everyone, including all of us, about your group. What is it about and what do you do there?
I just popped into the link you shared and it looks fantastic! Spiritual Support for Weary Souls - don't we all need some of that? Keep on sharing Wendi💕
I use a hand coffee grinder every night. Could easily buy a cheaper electric one but five minutes each night grinding my coffee makes me slightly uncomfortable and more grateful when I have my morning coffee
Thanks for sharing Tony, this is a great example of earning our comfort even in a small way. I don't meant that all comfort requires us to work for it because the ability to find comfort should be inherent. Yet it's true, as you say, that things seem more enjoyable after we've put in some effort.
I appreciate your comment!
Great essay. Chronic comfort is a more truthful way of saying, Set in their ways. I definitely have to push myself to take a walk every day. As a writer it’s easy to get stuck in one place and not move around. All of these self nudges take energy too— which is another way to make excuses. Haha.
Thanks Hon, I'm glad you liked it! I am guilty of telling myself I don't have enough time to work out or meditate. HAHAHA! Who doesn't have time to do the most important thing? Me, some days. All of us some days. Yet it's amazing how good we feel when we push ourselves and prove to our best self we can do it, even if it's going for a walk.
However, you are in the middle of moving. THAT is a very hard thing so be gentle with yourself❤️
Yes. In the middle of literally moving. Does that mean I don’t have to take a walk? Sometimes after walking around the grocery store and pushing a cranky cart I feel like I exercised for the day.
I'm thinking you might need to lay down in the middle of the move! What is it they say - that it's one of the most stressful events in our life even when it's for great reasons. Sending love for you to sail through it!💕
Hi Donna, I love the quote and how true it is - we are good enough, and at the same time, we can be better. When Dan was alive, he took good care of me, and I let him, which allowed me to live in a very nice comfort zone. After he died, I had to face some hard truths about myself and life. I could and had to do better, now that I was on my own. That's not meant as a criticism of the younger me, but a fact of my life. In retrospect, I wish I had been more involved sooner.
I appreciate you sharing this Janice because it nudges the rest of us to take a look at where we might not be paying attention in our own life. That being said, we ALL slide into habits that are easier because we are human. When you're raising a family and working some stuff has to go by the wayside no matter how much we might want to be involved. If you could shine a lens back into that time you would likely see that you were doing everything you could to get by even if it meant Dan was also doing a lot too.
And that would be true. We were kids - 19 years old when we got married - and grew up together, learning and growing together.
So true Donna. It is so much easier just to sit back and complain. You are an inspiration to your patients. Even if we don’t listen all the time. ♥️. I have changed my diet hoping that helps. No white flour, no sugar, no processed foods, and no alcohol. Also doing stretches. 🤗. Happy Easter. 🐥
Thank you for your kind words Jeannine. If I could inspire one person to create change it would mean the world to me so I appreciate you saying so❤️
Well done on those lifestyle changes, especially if you're doing them all at once! I'm a bit like that too - an all or nothing approach suits me best. It's rocky at first and then so much better. I hope over time you notice a big difference.
Thanks for taking the time to comment and Happy Easter to you too!
This is a very timely post. I am having to push through some hard moments and making some positive changes.
Thank you once again, Donna for hitting the nail on the head. ❤️
May you push gently my friend while listening to your wise inner voice who will lead you forward❤️
I’m thinking now of the complainer who searches high and low for the cure for their pain. They will spend so much energy, whine so loud, and suffer so hard to avoid slowing down and just doing the work, whatever it might be, that could help their back/ emotional distress/ chronic illness.
In steps Dr. Perscriptionator to save the day. Instant cures in a pill. No need to do anything hard, just pop this pill.
I remember years ago reading the work of Dr.Bernie Seigel, a retired pediatric surgeon, who wrote about healing. He said it was fascinating how sometimes a cure could actually be offered and the patient would not take it and all the ramifications of that. We are deeply layered human beings!
Thanks for taking the time to comment Tim, you are a busy guy so I appreciate it.
“We’re not stuck because we don’t know the answer. We’re stuck because the answer is hard.”
Donna, this line holds so much quiet truth it nearly stopped me. It’s not confusion that paralyzes us—it’s the clarity we’re afraid to step into, the kind that asks something of us. Your words remind me that, often, we already carry the answer within us, trembling and whole. The real work is in having the courage to live it. Thank you for writing with such honesty—it reaches further than you know. P.S. Wishing you a beautiful Easter holiday. 🤍
Dear Thaisssa🩷 I’m glad that line snuck into the crevasse of your heart to light you up. Sometimes we will know what we need to do but we’re not quite ready so we must turn away. I think the key is to keep coming back to that truth and leaning into it until we’re ready to step fully that direction.
A heartfelt thank you for your presence here, as always!