Preparing for Change #5 - the power of the things we cannot see
also my interview in Aging With Grace + Grit with Kathi Roach
Today’s post, part 5 in my series on change that leads us to inner wholeness, is brought to you by two airy-fairy concepts that don’t get enough airtime in our desire for change - belief and excitement. Both attributes play a vital role in our ability to move closer to our truest selves.
Thankfully science is moving into the realm of things that were previously thought to be silly, like the way we think! It turns out that changing our minds is important for our well-being because our opinion of ourselves affects our reality.
One example of this was demonstrated years ago in the Harvard chambermaid study done by Dr. Alia Crum & Dr. Ellen Langer. Simply telling a group of participants that the work they do every day met the Surgeon General’s requirements for an active lifestyle was enough to promote significant physical changes such as lowering blood pressure and weight loss. The participants didn’t change anything in their lives, yet their physiological markers were different because they believed they were exercising. These findings lead us to…
#1 – You must believe it’s possible to do this thing
It’s very difficult to create something if you don’t think you can do it. So, while our brain knows we need to believe, how do we do that when there is a lot of doubt? I certainly wondered this when I wanted to quit drinking but didn’t think I could pull it off. Here are a few things I found to be the most helpful to bolster my perspective and help me create the change I never would have thought possible:
Set aside time and space to change your mind.
ALL change begins with thinking so we need to put our thoughts about ourselves under the microscope. Sometimes this can occur on the fly, like the flash of insight you get when you’re out on the trail. It’s much less likely we’ll get a heart-centered epiphany in the shopping mall because inner knowing thrives in space and silence.
Notice your reflexive emotional responses about this thing you want to change, check if they are true, and decide if you want to continue to give them your energy. If you want to create a new self, you first must stop being your old self and you can’t do this without recognizing your patterns. This is the work of changing your mind - creating new neural pathways that lead to a new you. Our mind is the information and experiences represented by our nervous system, therefore it can be changed in our favor or against it.
DO THE WORK: Take a few minutes every day to focus on how you want to show up in your life and what you need to do to feel that way. Also, start a consistent meditation practice because it changes your brain.
Follow those who have come before you.
One of the most powerful drivers for change is connection, it shows you what is possible and can shift you into an expanded state. Put your attention, and therefore your energy, on those further along than you. Hold your values front of mind and find someone on the same path with those values.
I see you, my fellow introvert. I see that shudder at the thought of joining a group! No worries, Honeybun because there is an online group for everything, or you can receive one-on-one coaching from the comfort of your living room. When I was getting ready to quit drinking I listened to hundreds of podcasts about other people’s stories and read books about the science and physiology of alcohol and our body. The words began to sink into me. I joined She Recovers, an online organization that believes we are all recovering from something. This organization was instrumental in my success. If you look for it you will find a mentor, teacher, or organization that fits your style and value system.
DO THE WORK: Think about your circle of connection. Are there people who will nurture you in your quest to change this thing or do you need to go outside your circle for the right kind of support? Figure out what you need (a friend, a group, a coach, a spiritual advisor, a therapist, a career counselor, a financial advisor, a guardian angel…the list is endless and they all exist to help you) and make contact with them. Set up or show up at a meeting.
Lean into the science.
Science is amazing! Whatever you want to do, you can probably access mind-blowing research to guide you. Sometimes it’s so compelling it can help shock you into creating change, and I don’t know about you, but I sometimes require a cattle prod to finally make it happen! Fill your brain with knowledge on your chosen subject so you have more building blocks to create the reality you desire.
DO THE WORK: If you’re interested in exploring the research make time to do it. One of my favorite resources is the wildly popular Huberman Lab podcast. Andrew Huberman, a prof from Stanford University, is bringing excellent science to the masses. You can put anything you want into the search bar and it will take you to the info.
Have faith.
When we are called to turn inward and walk a path that is true to who we are, we may have to release what feels familiar and safe. Often our reactions and habits are the barriers between us and our soul. At times like this, we are called to find the holiness in the struggle and hold on to it.
As amazing as science is there are some things it still cannot explain, and neither can I. Faith is one of them.
DO THE WORK: to do this thing you’re hoping to do you’ve got to find your faith, whatever form that takes for you, and lean on it. Get clear, show up, ask the questions, and trust the answer will appear (although not always in the form you were requesting). Repeat this over and over until you find yourself living in surrender and trust. I know I’m making it sound easier than it is but the only way to get there is to show up.
#2 - Get excited
There is a fire burning inside you - a call for things to feel better than they do right now. This inner light, even a small spark, is creating the opportunity to rise above your current limitations and be greater than your conditioning or circumstances. This is very exciting! THIS is how you get past your dread about giving up wine or not calling your ex ever again – because you want to FEEL better. Every. Single. Day.
I know what it’s like to change because
a) I damn well said I would
or
b) things suck so much I can’t keep going like this.
I’ve done both things. I have also put in the effort to change my perspective by focusing on how I am going to FEEL. I hold this sensation with compassion and clarity and focus on it so many times that I no longer see any other way forward. This kind of purpose shifts my heart and mind to get excited about the upcoming change I’m planning to make. Anything is possible when you’re working from the inside out Darling!
You have a special light inside of you, I hope you see it and allow it to be. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my work. If you find it helpful please hit the ❤ button or, even better, leave a comment. I love to hear from you.
xoxo Donna
P.S. You can find all of the posts in my CHANGE SERIES here.
Next week I’ll be writing about the resistance we all feel when we are trying to change, and how we can overcome it. Also, I hope you join me on January 14 for my online presentation, THE WISDOM of CHANGE: weaving the tools of science & spirit for lasting growth. I will touch on the high points of my series on change as well as welcome your questions and conversation. This presentation is available for my paid subscribers, if you’re interested click here.
If becoming a paid subscriber is not in your post-holiday budget but you would love to attend please email me at donnamcarthur@substack. com. I will be happy to comp you a subscription, no questions asked.
Lots to unpack here. Being in a particularly deep rut at the moment, this article offered a spark and I am grateful for that. I am going to go back and re-read it. Happy New Year...ironic saying that. Almost feels like imposter syndrome because it sounds fake to me at the moment....and yet, I don't think it is impossible. I am pretty sure it isn't going to start when the clock strikes twelve.
So much in here - feel like this is one to keep and savour throughout the year. Thanks Donna 🙏