The first step to create change

It may surprise you to know it's about your deepest desire.

It is our life’s work to move toward Wholeness. This can get tricky because it seems there are two parts of us – let’s call them Wholeness and Loudypants.

Loudypants changes their mind depending on the situation, is demanding and relentless. LP exhausts us. Other names for this part of our inner self could be ‘They-Who-Won’t-Seem-to-Shut-Up’ or the lower parts of our ego.

Artist unknown, but we do know that this is what happens when Loudypants drives the car!

Wholeness makes us feel great. This is the heart-centered part of us that never changes regardless of what’s happening. Because they are the soul of who we are they always lead us in the right direction once we learn to listen. Wholeness is based on quiet things like trust and surrender and is rarely something that has been modeled to us in our childhood. Wholeness yearns to grow because that’s how we feel fulfilled.

Here’s a little of what I’ve found when it comes to Wholeness and Loudypants:

Wholeness calls us to take the harder path, LP tells us to pour ourselves a drink, eat the junk, gamble this one last time, talk about others, or whatever is the very easiest path of distraction and instant gratification.

Wholeness requires nurturing and care, LP thrives in chaos which looks different to each of us. My lower self is loudest when I am exhausted, too busy, and don’t exercise.

Wholeness reminds us we are OK, calling us to come closer. In doing so they are asking us to change something so we can weaken the hold LP has on our life. For example, the relentless negative self-talk quieted considerably when I gave up drinking, but when She-Who-Knows-Best first suggested it (5 years before it actually happened) my lower self took over and drowned her out. Thankfully she continued to whisper in my ear until I had to listen.

The-One-Who-Won’t-Shut-Up tells me I am broken and need to fix something, that it’s too scary or will never work, they also constantly compare me to other people.

Wholeness is strong – thus the whole, Our critical self is not – thus the fixing.

Wholeness calls us to what is sacred deep inside but it may appear differently than we expect because our best self rarely asks us to take the easy road. However, when we finally get on the path it will eventually look like this:

Photo by Liam Pozz on Unsplash

None of us asked Loudypants to become the driver of our lives yet they showed up with their chauffeur’s hat on and firmly asked us to take a back seat. If we want to travel toward Wholeness we may need to learn to operate the machinery of our daily life from a position of empowerment rather than as a back seat driver.

Perhaps it’s time to ask what your best self may be calling you towards or away from. Is there something trying to get your attention?

Because ONLY you know.

In the quiet recesses of your inner self, there is a knowing. It’s where your deepest desire lives. If you can’t see it or are faced with uncertainty, that’s OK because we are trained to tune out our desires. We think it’s selfish or weak to put our focus on something we yearn for but the opposite is true. When we know what is important to us, and we do the hard work to steer our life in that direction, we are accountable to our soul. This effort has a positive ripple effect on everyone around us and, I believe, is how we change the world.

Sweetheart, don’t worry if you don’t know your desire. I get it, things get very muddled up, this happens to me all the time. However, it’s all figure-out-able! Begin by asking yourself…

How do you want to feel?

When you begin to quietly inquire and put a little focus on what’s coming up for you, you’ll be guided in the right direction (but it might not be the direction you expect). For now, you don’t have to figure out HOW to do anything, you simply want to determine the most important thing.

Nail it down, write it down, say it out loud. Own it deep in your inner recesses. Doing this creates a powerful motivator and guide that will direct your future actions. I knew I needed to quit drinking because I wanted to be free and happy. For weeks before I made the shift to being a non-drinker I focused on my desire to live a happy, sober life while developing a toolbox I could use to make it happen. In the upcoming weeks of The Bright Life, we will be talking about creating your toolbox so that, come the new year, you are prepared to step forward to your deepest yearning.

This act of self-examination is the practice of accountability to your soul. You empower the life you have, the person you are – and the person you could be - with the energy of grace that listening to your soul gives you.

Make an effort to notice your beliefs and thoughts around what is showing up. Begin to develop clarity on what you may need to change to move toward greater integrity. Sweetiepie, this is NOT something you need to fix - we are not talking about overhauling your broken self. This is about taking action to move in the direction your soul is suggesting by removing Loudypants from the driver’s seat. Over the next few weeks begin a self-inquiry about your internal negative messaging system and what it’s telling you about this thing you desire. Make an effort to replace it with something better.

For example, “I can’t go back to school, I don’t have enough money.” Do you mean to say there is NO way in the entire world you would be able to go back to school? Get creative in your questions and answers and do it over and over and over. Don’t worry about figuring it out. This step is about creating different brain pathways and thought patterns about the shift you want to make. It’s also about exercising your faith muscle.

The author Jen Sincero reminds us

“Faith is having the audacity to believe in the not-yet seen.”

My Dear Friend, I have said this many times and you can expect to hear it again (sorry, not sorry!), things are happening in our world beyond our greatest imagining. We feel unsure and unable to help. The best thing we can do is look inward and do the hard work to move toward Wholeness because it is only from an elevated place of love that greater change will happen.

Next week I am away so instead of hearing directly from me I will be sharing a compilation of my favorite things to inspire you, this is info I’ve found helpful in my desire to create a shift for myself. After that buckle up Baby, because it will be full steam ahead preparing you for the change your soul is calling you to make! I hope you join me in the coming weeks as we get ready to finish off this year.

xoxo Donna

P.S. Is there something you had to believe in before it happened…and then it did? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.