This post is so authentically you that it brings tears to me. I love everything about this little fireside chat. And your message: it’s filled with hope and love and we-ness. It inspires and it cares.
I’m late to read this week, and I’m quite certain I came to your page at just the right time.
This is EXACTLY what I am trying to do on The Bright Life, to create a space of hope, love and we-ness💕 I am thrilled that's how you perceive the words, and of course they arrived at just the right time. Thank you for being here any time, it means a lot. xo
I am excited for your upcoming series on change. And I’m happy to be a part of the Bright Life community and all the positivity it’s spreading.
For me, getting sober was certainly the biggest change I’ve made and it was certainly the most fruitful.
In my up coming post, (coming Wednesday) I’ll actually be talking about an experience I had recently which helped push me back into carrying out some of my own soberity practices — as I was getting a little complacent.
I feel like I missed something here...I don't think I knew you were sober. If I knew I think I forgot. THAT'S AWESOME!!!!! Definitely a huge life change from which all other changes flow. I can't wait for your next post.
Of course, getting sober was the BIG SHIFT I needed, and for the first time in my life the steps unfolding out in front of me feel positive and powerful instead of terrifying. :) Looking forward to your upcoming series of posts. 🩵
I love all the sober folks dropping in here talking about it (obviously) being the biggest change they have ever made! It certainly was for me, one I never thought I could pull off.
Having made that shift I believe that even hard life events have become less hard and my presence has grown.
Hi sweetie. Been thinking about you and sending healing love. 🙏❤️ I don’t wish to change anything about my life. I feel blessed and grateful. My kids gave me a birthday card that made me laugh, cry and laugh again, hubby organized a lovely dinner, my Substack is growing and I’m excited about my new Funny AF Women feature. My journey has lead me here to this day. Wonderful topic.
I love, love, love that you don't want to change anything. I would be so bold as to say that maybe it's because you have already made many changes in your life and you show up fully every day. Either that or you're a unicorn🤣
My point being that I believe (hope) we can get to a place of being and you are there.
I have had you on my mind all week - hugs. Now then, everything in my life has changed and I have had to change with it the past 8 years - not ones I really wanted to have or make. One change I'd like to make comes from Kristi, actually - allowing that sense of humor to express itself.
Thank you Janice for your hug❤ I am in the same boat about the humor and the fun! In fact reading your comment makes me realize perhaps that is the change I am going to call in for the new year. Maybe we need a Fun Club!?
I love that idea - we sure could use some. It's kind of like Heather Brebaugh is doing with the After 21 Club, but with a humor focus - funny stories, cute pictures and antics of animals and children. Things that make us at least smile.
To Janice and Donna, I agree on the humor bit. No matter what's going on in my life I always manage to find something to laugh about. Heather is awesome, isn't she? She and I have done interviews for a humor pub here on Substack and they should be published in the near future. There's never too much laughter!
I adore her! She usually drops into the comments here so might get a kick out of us talking about her😍 I am stoked you are going to be part of her series, I am really looking forward to it!
This sounds amazing, Donna! The way you hold all of this so gently makes change feel inviting and not daunting. I'm so looking forward to this journey with you!
Yay! Thank you so much for your support Jenna, it means a great deal. I'm glad I could make it sound inviting. I got a little spark of excitement when I was thinking about putting this together so that's a good thing.
Donna, how dare you ask two HUGE questions in one post! Is this an essay contest? 😁
"What about my life do I wish was different" is a very loaded question because I feel like every single thing that brings us to where we are was necessary, whether we like it or not. Answering the question goes against the rules of gratitude that we're supposed to have for what we've got in life. My REAL answer? I'd change literally everything right now except my dog. But unfortunately we can't bring back dead people nor turn clocks back 20-30 years to fix what we broke.
What changes am I making right now? I'm starting from scratch yet again. I was terminated from my job in August, at the age of 50, right after I fractured my knee. I've spent the summer gaining weight (from lack of mobility due to the injury) and depleting my savings trying to survive. When you're freaking out about money it's impossible to have other goals! But!!!! I'm still here, writing, dog-moming, existing, and I still have a sense of humor which counts for a lot! And I've lost one pound lol. That's something!
Haha sorry about the questions! Kristi I've gotta tell you you are an amazing person. Knowing just a tiny bi, about what you have gone through and where you are right now, I see grace and humor shining in you. I think a lot of folks see that too which is why your Substack seems to be taking off like gangbusters. I hope you have found your place here and the community you are building holds you in their hearts to help you heal and move on to the next thing.
the thing about the fact that "every single thing that brings us to where we are was necessary, whether we like it or not" doesn't mean that we might well not also want to change quite a lot of it... and as far as that "gratitude that we're supposed to have for what we've got in life," I think I know you're at least half kidding but oh jeez, I mean, I have it, and I *am* grateful, but I refuse to be bullied by toxic gratitude (!) and also appreciate the *real regrets* that I have for mistakes that may well have been inevitable parts of my path, but are also things that I would at least *seek* to change, or avoid repeating, or understand well enough to write about so that others might not fall into precisely the same trap—or at least have a good laugh about. Seems like you've landed in a similar place!
I don't think the gratitude Kristi is talking about is the toxic, fake kind but instead holding lightly to whatever good shows up in the moment. She also does write about her challenges so that others can be aware, such as her last post about one of her jobs! It is amazing.
For sure, I was referring to a more general sort of all-encompassing pseudo-gratitude that’s often also referred to as a sort of “spiritual bypassing.”
I love this theme Donna, and I imagine that it will make for a very fruitful season for you and your readers. I've put a lot of energy into making changes, learning to change, learning to move intentionally into the unknown—and how not just _doing_ but also *stopping* doing certain things in life can be a very powerful thing. Of course that's fairly obvious (at least in retrospect) with addiction, for example, but less obvious when it comes to other things.
You asked the question in your previous post about some of the changes you've made yourself, and the changes I've made would take a book to enumerate — oh, right, I wrote that book! → https://anordinarydisaster.com — but if I were to make a list it might begin like this:
* learning foreign languages (Latin, Spanish, Italian, German, Portuguese, French)
* 10+ years of therapy
* 10+ years of group communication work
* building, and then selling my business
* becoming a runner
* learning to Kitesurf, and becoming a sponsored athlete and professional guide
* learning to fly paragliders -- and then choosing to stop flying many years later
* working with many coaches, for sports and personal growth
* changing my relationship with alcohol from drinking nearly every day to drinking almost never
* learning pilates and practicing that regularly
* stopping nail biting (tricky one! hypnosis helped initially)
* mens work, mens groups and putting energy into intentionally building relationships with other men
* a year of no relationships, no dating, no sex
* some work with psychedelics -- and getting clear that's not the path for me
* quit "romance"
* quit "shopping"
* reduced caffeine intake (I like my coffee black, 1/4 to 1/3 caf)
* experimenting with meditation
* exercise almost every day now
* learning that discipline is not "to" me but by me for for me.
It used to be that the answer to "What is it about your life you wish was different?" was "just about everything," and in fact one of my main personal mottoes at one time was "Change Everything." Now, the answer is "nothing".
I hear ya Kristi. What that brings up for me is that I used to feel pretty stuck, sad, and sorry for myself. I was in a depressive loop, and change seemed out of reach, in large part because I felt so alone and disheartened by the prospect of doing whatever I might have to do to change, alone. Honestly it was, in large part, doing more things that I really enjoyed and that got the wheel turning in a positive direction that taught me that I could change, and that in turn enabled me to make more difficult changes. Now, it's more like when I get a message that change is possible, it usually feels like a call to do follow that arrow, and I have much more confidence that I can.
You're right, even accomplishing one small change can be a catalyst for bigger, more continuous change. I've been on that depressive loop you mentioned and taking the first step is always the most difficult.
Push-ups are my most recent, most visceral and simplest example. Doing like three push-ups used to immediately bring up a loud voice insisting "I can't" and "I don't wanna!" but more recently I've found that doing ten, then ten more, and ten more can easily get me to a hundred, which is certainly enough to make a real difference in now only how I feel that day, but over the following few days—and has the further effect of quieting that lazy, tired voice. Cuz now when I get to the third, fifth, eighth push-up, I hear him wanting to start in, but I know that I know better, that I can, and... that other guy kinda goes back to his dingy sofa or wherever it is that he hangs out.
Such a great analogy that I can totally relate to, except mine is a stationary bike. I tore my MCL in summer (the absolute SLOWEST thing to recover from). In physiotherapy, the day I did one...just ONE rotation of the bike pedal, I cried 😂 It was so painful but sooo gratifying at the same time! Now I'm pedaling for 30 minutes a day!
Donna,
This post is so authentically you that it brings tears to me. I love everything about this little fireside chat. And your message: it’s filled with hope and love and we-ness. It inspires and it cares.
I’m late to read this week, and I’m quite certain I came to your page at just the right time.
Oodles of love,
Renée
This is EXACTLY what I am trying to do on The Bright Life, to create a space of hope, love and we-ness💕 I am thrilled that's how you perceive the words, and of course they arrived at just the right time. Thank you for being here any time, it means a lot. xo
A lovely post, Donna.
I am excited for your upcoming series on change. And I’m happy to be a part of the Bright Life community and all the positivity it’s spreading.
For me, getting sober was certainly the biggest change I’ve made and it was certainly the most fruitful.
In my up coming post, (coming Wednesday) I’ll actually be talking about an experience I had recently which helped push me back into carrying out some of my own soberity practices — as I was getting a little complacent.
Thanks Donna :)
I feel like I missed something here...I don't think I knew you were sober. If I knew I think I forgot. THAT'S AWESOME!!!!! Definitely a huge life change from which all other changes flow. I can't wait for your next post.
As always, thank you for being here Michael❤
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before or not... 🤔 Either way, I’m definitely sober haha.
And yes, it really is the change that proceeds all others.
Thanks, Donna, happy to be here :)
Love and light to you, Donna, now and always.
Of course, getting sober was the BIG SHIFT I needed, and for the first time in my life the steps unfolding out in front of me feel positive and powerful instead of terrifying. :) Looking forward to your upcoming series of posts. 🩵
I love all the sober folks dropping in here talking about it (obviously) being the biggest change they have ever made! It certainly was for me, one I never thought I could pull off.
Having made that shift I believe that even hard life events have become less hard and my presence has grown.
Thanks for being here Troy❤
Hi sweetie. Been thinking about you and sending healing love. 🙏❤️ I don’t wish to change anything about my life. I feel blessed and grateful. My kids gave me a birthday card that made me laugh, cry and laugh again, hubby organized a lovely dinner, my Substack is growing and I’m excited about my new Funny AF Women feature. My journey has lead me here to this day. Wonderful topic.
I love, love, love that you don't want to change anything. I would be so bold as to say that maybe it's because you have already made many changes in your life and you show up fully every day. Either that or you're a unicorn🤣
My point being that I believe (hope) we can get to a place of being and you are there.
❤❤❤ And I'm glad you're here.
Bless you Donna for making “positive change” a focus of your writing. I love it and will be keep a close eye as always 🙏❤️
Thanks Dee!
Hi ,
I have had you on my mind all week - hugs. Now then, everything in my life has changed and I have had to change with it the past 8 years - not ones I really wanted to have or make. One change I'd like to make comes from Kristi, actually - allowing that sense of humor to express itself.
Thank you Janice for your hug❤ I am in the same boat about the humor and the fun! In fact reading your comment makes me realize perhaps that is the change I am going to call in for the new year. Maybe we need a Fun Club!?
I love that idea - we sure could use some. It's kind of like Heather Brebaugh is doing with the After 21 Club, but with a humor focus - funny stories, cute pictures and antics of animals and children. Things that make us at least smile.
I will check out her work Janice, thanks!
To Janice and Donna, I agree on the humor bit. No matter what's going on in my life I always manage to find something to laugh about. Heather is awesome, isn't she? She and I have done interviews for a humor pub here on Substack and they should be published in the near future. There's never too much laughter!
Was that for my friend CK at Good Humor by any chance?
Yes!! She's really great!
I adore her! She usually drops into the comments here so might get a kick out of us talking about her😍 I am stoked you are going to be part of her series, I am really looking forward to it!
This sounds amazing, Donna! The way you hold all of this so gently makes change feel inviting and not daunting. I'm so looking forward to this journey with you!
Yay! Thank you so much for your support Jenna, it means a great deal. I'm glad I could make it sound inviting. I got a little spark of excitement when I was thinking about putting this together so that's a good thing.
Donna, how dare you ask two HUGE questions in one post! Is this an essay contest? 😁
"What about my life do I wish was different" is a very loaded question because I feel like every single thing that brings us to where we are was necessary, whether we like it or not. Answering the question goes against the rules of gratitude that we're supposed to have for what we've got in life. My REAL answer? I'd change literally everything right now except my dog. But unfortunately we can't bring back dead people nor turn clocks back 20-30 years to fix what we broke.
What changes am I making right now? I'm starting from scratch yet again. I was terminated from my job in August, at the age of 50, right after I fractured my knee. I've spent the summer gaining weight (from lack of mobility due to the injury) and depleting my savings trying to survive. When you're freaking out about money it's impossible to have other goals! But!!!! I'm still here, writing, dog-moming, existing, and I still have a sense of humor which counts for a lot! And I've lost one pound lol. That's something!
Sucks about the job. Maybe something better around the corner? Is the knee better?
The knee is about 90% now after 4 months. All is well!
And I start a new job tomorrow 😊
Haha sorry about the questions! Kristi I've gotta tell you you are an amazing person. Knowing just a tiny bi, about what you have gone through and where you are right now, I see grace and humor shining in you. I think a lot of folks see that too which is why your Substack seems to be taking off like gangbusters. I hope you have found your place here and the community you are building holds you in their hearts to help you heal and move on to the next thing.
Thank you Donna. Indeed I have found my people and this is all part of the next leg of my journey. I'm pleased to be on it with the likes of you!
the thing about the fact that "every single thing that brings us to where we are was necessary, whether we like it or not" doesn't mean that we might well not also want to change quite a lot of it... and as far as that "gratitude that we're supposed to have for what we've got in life," I think I know you're at least half kidding but oh jeez, I mean, I have it, and I *am* grateful, but I refuse to be bullied by toxic gratitude (!) and also appreciate the *real regrets* that I have for mistakes that may well have been inevitable parts of my path, but are also things that I would at least *seek* to change, or avoid repeating, or understand well enough to write about so that others might not fall into precisely the same trap—or at least have a good laugh about. Seems like you've landed in a similar place!
I don't think the gratitude Kristi is talking about is the toxic, fake kind but instead holding lightly to whatever good shows up in the moment. She also does write about her challenges so that others can be aware, such as her last post about one of her jobs! It is amazing.
For sure, I was referring to a more general sort of all-encompassing pseudo-gratitude that’s often also referred to as a sort of “spiritual bypassing.”
Ah yes, the good old spiritual bypassing, always a sneaky trickster!
I love this theme Donna, and I imagine that it will make for a very fruitful season for you and your readers. I've put a lot of energy into making changes, learning to change, learning to move intentionally into the unknown—and how not just _doing_ but also *stopping* doing certain things in life can be a very powerful thing. Of course that's fairly obvious (at least in retrospect) with addiction, for example, but less obvious when it comes to other things.
You asked the question in your previous post about some of the changes you've made yourself, and the changes I've made would take a book to enumerate — oh, right, I wrote that book! → https://anordinarydisaster.com — but if I were to make a list it might begin like this:
* learning foreign languages (Latin, Spanish, Italian, German, Portuguese, French)
* 10+ years of therapy
* 10+ years of group communication work
* building, and then selling my business
* becoming a runner
* learning to Kitesurf, and becoming a sponsored athlete and professional guide
* learning to fly paragliders -- and then choosing to stop flying many years later
* working with many coaches, for sports and personal growth
* changing my relationship with alcohol from drinking nearly every day to drinking almost never
* learning pilates and practicing that regularly
* stopping nail biting (tricky one! hypnosis helped initially)
* mens work, mens groups and putting energy into intentionally building relationships with other men
* a year of no relationships, no dating, no sex
* some work with psychedelics -- and getting clear that's not the path for me
* quit "romance"
* quit "shopping"
* reduced caffeine intake (I like my coffee black, 1/4 to 1/3 caf)
* experimenting with meditation
* exercise almost every day now
* learning that discipline is not "to" me but by me for for me.
It used to be that the answer to "What is it about your life you wish was different?" was "just about everything," and in fact one of my main personal mottoes at one time was "Change Everything." Now, the answer is "nothing".
Is that a bucket list or a to do list? Maybe they are one and the same?
Neither actually. Just the path that unfolded.
Stopping nail biting! I love that this is on the list and that you mention how surprisingly difficult it is.
Wow I'm impressed that you can list so many specific changes in one shot! I'm sitting here thinking how utterly vague my answer will be!
I'm sensing if you did try to make a list you could do a pretty funny one! Maybe you should write about that. we would love it.
I hear ya Kristi. What that brings up for me is that I used to feel pretty stuck, sad, and sorry for myself. I was in a depressive loop, and change seemed out of reach, in large part because I felt so alone and disheartened by the prospect of doing whatever I might have to do to change, alone. Honestly it was, in large part, doing more things that I really enjoyed and that got the wheel turning in a positive direction that taught me that I could change, and that in turn enabled me to make more difficult changes. Now, it's more like when I get a message that change is possible, it usually feels like a call to do follow that arrow, and I have much more confidence that I can.
Interested to hear more of your reflections.
You're right, even accomplishing one small change can be a catalyst for bigger, more continuous change. I've been on that depressive loop you mentioned and taking the first step is always the most difficult.
Push-ups are my most recent, most visceral and simplest example. Doing like three push-ups used to immediately bring up a loud voice insisting "I can't" and "I don't wanna!" but more recently I've found that doing ten, then ten more, and ten more can easily get me to a hundred, which is certainly enough to make a real difference in now only how I feel that day, but over the following few days—and has the further effect of quieting that lazy, tired voice. Cuz now when I get to the third, fifth, eighth push-up, I hear him wanting to start in, but I know that I know better, that I can, and... that other guy kinda goes back to his dingy sofa or wherever it is that he hangs out.
I am going to do this, thanks Bowen. I am going to use push ups to move that procrastinator the couch.
Such a great analogy that I can totally relate to, except mine is a stationary bike. I tore my MCL in summer (the absolute SLOWEST thing to recover from). In physiotherapy, the day I did one...just ONE rotation of the bike pedal, I cried 😂 It was so painful but sooo gratifying at the same time! Now I'm pedaling for 30 minutes a day!