This is so me. My tendency to hyperfocus is either sparked or exacerbated by my ADHD inattentive brain, which loves latching onto THE SOLUTION to everything that is awry in my life. I hold so tightly to it that I not only can't see any other possibilities, but I block the very thing I'm focused on from transpiring. Then I become despairing and think I've been forsaken, and worse, that I am undeserving of a better outcome. Going with the flow and living with curiosity, ease, and wonder is a constant practice. I love it when I am in that state, but to make it last takes commitment.
Gillian your comment holds so many truths, thank you. Firstly, I loved your words 'you think you've been forsaken'. I don't mean that I love you FEEL that way, definitely not that, but that you articulate exactly how I also feel. Forsaken. What's up with that? Perhaps it goes along with the term deserving? I deserve this...says who? I was forsaken...says who? We cannot understand what is for our greatest good in each moment and perhaps that thing we want isn't meant for us. (I know for many folks this sounds like a cliche but it's what I believe).
Another truth that hits home for me is how much we love it when we are in that state and the massive effort it takes to stay there.
Thank you so much for your comment, it helps me feel like we are all doing this thing called life together! Lastly, I apologize if this is a scrambled response, I'm not quite firing on all cylinders having returned from vacation feeling under the weather so stay tuned for better writing!!
Thanks Donna! Great post. I struggle with the law of attraction as well. I tell myself that if what I want doesn’t work out it must not be meant to be - bigger picture. Still hard though.
Thanks for your kind words Christean❤ I know that many folks are not comforted by the thought that if it's not meant to be there must be something else in store. I can see how irritating that sentiment could be for those people so I try not to bandy it around in case it sounds like a lame cliche. But the thing is that I'm with you and I do believe it! It works for my personal belief system and now I know I can call you and talk about it, hee hee😁
Thanks for being here, I love seeing you in the comments section!
Love this. I quit a job a month ago that was definitely not bringing me peace, and have spent the month finding that peace and purpose again. I’ve also spent it actively letting go of the thoughts of “I need to be doing more” and the feeling that I need to “make the most” of my time in between jobs. Although, I have made the most of it — by spending time with family, reconnecting with friends, reading, being outside. Looking back, the best things in my life have happened when I was in a state of peaceful alignment, an opportunity presented itself, and I said yes. Even though I’m unsure of what’s next, I believe things will work out when you let go of the need to exactly define what working out looks like as well as the need to make things happen. Maybe the world opens up when you allow it to.
Brilliant Jackie! Maybe the world opens up when we allow it to - this is so perfect. It’s the allowing part that’s tricky sometimes so I love hearing your story and that you’re flowing along to see what happens next.
I have a post coming up in a couple weeks about courage in our everyday life and your actions are a great example - leaving a job that is sucking your soul dry takes guts! Bravo to you and thank you so much for sharing here.💕
I have a gripe with the law of attraction. I also believe in G-d and that He controls everything and has a plan. So while I manifest what I would like, it might not be right for my journey. I do believe manifesting love always works. It’s a powerful energy.
I agree CK. I don't think it's all destiny but I do believe there is something greater than me, I call it God too, that may 'know' things I don't know which is why all of my wishes don't make it into my reality. And YES, love always works. This is the best comment, thank you❤ (All comments are the best, I meant that love always works😉) xo
Insha'Allah, thank you so much for teaching me that An K.!
I chuckled at your badger comment😬 as I have done the same far too many times. The tunnel vision is exactly what I was feeling about the THING I was wanting in my life. Thankfully with age sometimes comes wisdom and I see how that makes me feel yucky and it's better to let go of the outcome. Go with God.
Yes, looking at our blessings while getting older, instead of running with the insane "forever young" crowd is just that.
Another form of Acceptance.
It's not like anyone gets out alive... nor does anybody die of good health..
We seem to have forgotten that!
I so appreciate your writing and our conversation!!
🙌🤗
I learned a lot in the Middle East.. if we could just open our minds and hearts, focus on the good and learn from each other instead of fighting... can you imagine??!!!
I really like that you mention peace. It is very interesting because I have noticed your pattern in myself too and I have recently written a lot down in my journals about peace. How I actually just want to feel peaceful; to live in peace. Combined with clarity. I have started to ask for peace and clarity in my self-made prayers instead. Because obsessing about goals is sometimes so painful for me that I have to surrender instead and remember that peace and clarity is a greater reward than anything else.
Victoria, it's lovely to see you here in the comments section! ❤
It took me many years to finally see that is the outcome I want/need. I had to dig around my inner self to finally land on what's most important. What I've discovered recently is how much my brain is addicted to the opposite of peace. I don't create drama but I do see that it's not easy for me to settle into comfort. You are so right that we have to ask for it to be shown the path forward, just as we can ask for the goal but work to surrender the outcome.
..and lovely to be here :) I completely get what you mean. It is also culture and societal programming that keeps us in this loop of "negativity". I was thinking the other day if I can start "asking" in another way. Like set a goal but do it from a "tone" that signifies peace & clarity. Of course we would like to reach our goals :) I truly believe that the world should be run by more considerable, sensitive, creative and peaceful people. And by achieving our goals, our purpose we get in a position of reaching more people too in this way. Hope it makes sense :) It is just a very very interesting subject.
Absolutely the more folks who are considerate, kind and peaceful the greater our communities will be. I often (probably too often!) say that we can only change the world by going within and from that place we can center ourselves to go out in to our families, communities and the world at large to create a better place.
About the goal thing...😆yikes...that's something I'm practicing. Holding the plan softly in my heart and life and surrendering the outcome to the forces that are bigger than me.
I laughed with your side note on (probably too often) because I GET it! Every time I face something hard and want to figure it out it always comes back to myself and my inner work on some level. Sometimes I have this discussion with myself "Go inward - aahhh go fuck yourself!" hahaha. Thank you Donna for this delightful exchange on your beautiful post. Have a great day
Absolutely love this Donna - you've really captured the slipperiness of desire and how it relates to ego... something I also recently explored in my piece here:
Donna, this inspiring passage from Martha Beck reminds me of “The Tao of Pooh.” There is a scene where Pooh says to Rabbit that he can’t hear himself think for all noise Rabbit is making. Rabbit is anxious and always searching for an element of control . . . and talks . . . A LOT. Pooh relies on a different sense to navigate the world. It could be called peace, silence, allowing, and so on. Anyway, it’s not so noisy in the place of peace, and your post today reminds me of that. Thank you!
Thanks Renee, you bring up a great point about Rabbit being anxious so talking a lot to try to gain control. This offered me some simple clarity that I was unable to see until I read it. I love it when that happens!!
Oh how I recognise that trait of holding out for what I want. I'm not sure exactly what has shifted, but lately even though I feel as though I am not completely ok with letting go, I have found a new level of trust. That ever redirection is a new opportunity to learn and every stumbling block is to slow me down, so that I can see what I'm meant to. Thank you for this wonderful reminder that we are human and it's not always a straight path.
Louise, your kind words hit a chord with me. Hearing that you have reached a new level of trust is what I need to hear right now. I guess because I'm hoping that happens to me too. I know that opening is a forward and back thing for most of us and those backward times seem to get a little trickier the further we go along the path. Maybe they aren't but the awareness is more acute. I am heading over to your publication to dive into a meditation right now!
Donna, rest assured I thought I might never get there! I think that openness is so much more difficult if you've protected yourself your whole life and have needed to feel safe through a sense of absolute control. I'm raising this as I know it's not uncommon and to bring it into awareness. When you can hold you nerve each time you are pinged back, I truly believe that the lessons that you are gifted will bring you and others who come into your consciousness to peace, safety and trust. Keep going beautiful soul. Love and light xx
I absolutely love that, Donna: "Everything we’ve ordered is always delivered to our real home address: peace." Thanks for sharing that, and your recent collision with it ... and the Qstack shoutout. 💜
I tend to forget that while I have an agenda, it might not fit into the bigger picture of things. I can have an intention and visualize all I want, but my timing may be off or there is a greater good involved that I am not aware of.
I have an obsessive quality—it’s great until it’s not. It’s hard to release the sword when you think there’s power in clinging to it. Thank you for this reflection.
Yes, I'm sure there's a medieval tale threaded through that statement - the power we think is clinging to the sword, but it's in the hand that's holding it. Hey, maybe we should write that story!
I appreciate your comment Caroline, it's wonderful to see you here.
It struck me that desiring THE THING (which I now have a visual of and it has taken on a horrendous size!) takes me out of the present and I spend way too much time not tuning into the present (in fact I am discovering that this situation is a roadblock to my healing in my physical and emotional bodies). Desiring can feel like a tornado at its height. Cheryl Crowe's lyric is coming into focus. "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you have". And there ends my Sunday morning ramble. I hope we all ride a peaceful wave on every exhale today.
I'm riding the wave, thank you for your peaceful wishes Adele❤
I've been contemplating physical healing a lot recently and reading more about it than usual and trying stuff out (on myself, not my patients). I would agree that not tuning into the present is a roadblock that can be particularly difficult to navigate. It's always hard but physical healing may be extra challenging, possibly because the fear factor is elevated.
I feel that I'm a lot like you in hyper-focusing on one thing so much it becomes like an addiction. Funny thing is I'm AWARE that I do this and even try to tall myself out of it sometimes, but it's still part of my being.
I absolutely loved the way you described some graceful and defiant faces of focus. I can totally agree that while making a firm decision always makes me feel alive, it often takes a bit of time for me to assimilate the full consequences of its toll. xx.
Graceful and defiant sums it up perfectly Thaissa. It’s an interesting process to make a decision and then fully surrender to the pathway it takes. In my mind (haha, we know what happens when we are in our mind!) I’ve released the outcome but my body and soul speak differently. Do you find you’re getting better at it? All suggestions are welcome🙂
Thanks Donna! Just what I needed to hear right now as I have my own "thing" that I've been wanting. I will shift back into a place of surrender, regain my peace with the medicine of non attachment.
This is so me. My tendency to hyperfocus is either sparked or exacerbated by my ADHD inattentive brain, which loves latching onto THE SOLUTION to everything that is awry in my life. I hold so tightly to it that I not only can't see any other possibilities, but I block the very thing I'm focused on from transpiring. Then I become despairing and think I've been forsaken, and worse, that I am undeserving of a better outcome. Going with the flow and living with curiosity, ease, and wonder is a constant practice. I love it when I am in that state, but to make it last takes commitment.
Gillian your comment holds so many truths, thank you. Firstly, I loved your words 'you think you've been forsaken'. I don't mean that I love you FEEL that way, definitely not that, but that you articulate exactly how I also feel. Forsaken. What's up with that? Perhaps it goes along with the term deserving? I deserve this...says who? I was forsaken...says who? We cannot understand what is for our greatest good in each moment and perhaps that thing we want isn't meant for us. (I know for many folks this sounds like a cliche but it's what I believe).
Another truth that hits home for me is how much we love it when we are in that state and the massive effort it takes to stay there.
Thank you so much for your comment, it helps me feel like we are all doing this thing called life together! Lastly, I apologize if this is a scrambled response, I'm not quite firing on all cylinders having returned from vacation feeling under the weather so stay tuned for better writing!!
Thanks Donna! Great post. I struggle with the law of attraction as well. I tell myself that if what I want doesn’t work out it must not be meant to be - bigger picture. Still hard though.
Thanks for your kind words Christean❤ I know that many folks are not comforted by the thought that if it's not meant to be there must be something else in store. I can see how irritating that sentiment could be for those people so I try not to bandy it around in case it sounds like a lame cliche. But the thing is that I'm with you and I do believe it! It works for my personal belief system and now I know I can call you and talk about it, hee hee😁
Thanks for being here, I love seeing you in the comments section!
Love this. I quit a job a month ago that was definitely not bringing me peace, and have spent the month finding that peace and purpose again. I’ve also spent it actively letting go of the thoughts of “I need to be doing more” and the feeling that I need to “make the most” of my time in between jobs. Although, I have made the most of it — by spending time with family, reconnecting with friends, reading, being outside. Looking back, the best things in my life have happened when I was in a state of peaceful alignment, an opportunity presented itself, and I said yes. Even though I’m unsure of what’s next, I believe things will work out when you let go of the need to exactly define what working out looks like as well as the need to make things happen. Maybe the world opens up when you allow it to.
Brilliant Jackie! Maybe the world opens up when we allow it to - this is so perfect. It’s the allowing part that’s tricky sometimes so I love hearing your story and that you’re flowing along to see what happens next.
I have a post coming up in a couple weeks about courage in our everyday life and your actions are a great example - leaving a job that is sucking your soul dry takes guts! Bravo to you and thank you so much for sharing here.💕
I have a gripe with the law of attraction. I also believe in G-d and that He controls everything and has a plan. So while I manifest what I would like, it might not be right for my journey. I do believe manifesting love always works. It’s a powerful energy.
I agree CK. I don't think it's all destiny but I do believe there is something greater than me, I call it God too, that may 'know' things I don't know which is why all of my wishes don't make it into my reality. And YES, love always works. This is the best comment, thank you❤ (All comments are the best, I meant that love always works😉) xo
Sending love. 🥰
Yes!! Me too!! Hahahaha
I used to be a badger.. forcing it, willing it... teeth clenched, nerves frayed...
I just couldn't let go when the work was done.
There is a big difference between manifestation and tunnel vision.
The arabs say: Insha'Allah or when God wills it.
Thank you!!
Insha'Allah, thank you so much for teaching me that An K.!
I chuckled at your badger comment😬 as I have done the same far too many times. The tunnel vision is exactly what I was feeling about the THING I was wanting in my life. Thankfully with age sometimes comes wisdom and I see how that makes me feel yucky and it's better to let go of the outcome. Go with God.
Thank you so much for being here in my comments❤
Thank you!
Yes, looking at our blessings while getting older, instead of running with the insane "forever young" crowd is just that.
Another form of Acceptance.
It's not like anyone gets out alive... nor does anybody die of good health..
We seem to have forgotten that!
I so appreciate your writing and our conversation!!
🙌🤗
I learned a lot in the Middle East.. if we could just open our minds and hearts, focus on the good and learn from each other instead of fighting... can you imagine??!!!
Love and Light! ♥️🌸
I really like that you mention peace. It is very interesting because I have noticed your pattern in myself too and I have recently written a lot down in my journals about peace. How I actually just want to feel peaceful; to live in peace. Combined with clarity. I have started to ask for peace and clarity in my self-made prayers instead. Because obsessing about goals is sometimes so painful for me that I have to surrender instead and remember that peace and clarity is a greater reward than anything else.
Victoria, it's lovely to see you here in the comments section! ❤
It took me many years to finally see that is the outcome I want/need. I had to dig around my inner self to finally land on what's most important. What I've discovered recently is how much my brain is addicted to the opposite of peace. I don't create drama but I do see that it's not easy for me to settle into comfort. You are so right that we have to ask for it to be shown the path forward, just as we can ask for the goal but work to surrender the outcome.
..and lovely to be here :) I completely get what you mean. It is also culture and societal programming that keeps us in this loop of "negativity". I was thinking the other day if I can start "asking" in another way. Like set a goal but do it from a "tone" that signifies peace & clarity. Of course we would like to reach our goals :) I truly believe that the world should be run by more considerable, sensitive, creative and peaceful people. And by achieving our goals, our purpose we get in a position of reaching more people too in this way. Hope it makes sense :) It is just a very very interesting subject.
Absolutely the more folks who are considerate, kind and peaceful the greater our communities will be. I often (probably too often!) say that we can only change the world by going within and from that place we can center ourselves to go out in to our families, communities and the world at large to create a better place.
About the goal thing...😆yikes...that's something I'm practicing. Holding the plan softly in my heart and life and surrendering the outcome to the forces that are bigger than me.
I laughed with your side note on (probably too often) because I GET it! Every time I face something hard and want to figure it out it always comes back to myself and my inner work on some level. Sometimes I have this discussion with myself "Go inward - aahhh go fuck yourself!" hahaha. Thank you Donna for this delightful exchange on your beautiful post. Have a great day
This is the most amazing comment, thank you! I look forward to a proper read and response when I get back to my computer, rather than my phone.
Absolutely love this Donna - you've really captured the slipperiness of desire and how it relates to ego... something I also recently explored in my piece here:
https://zantafakari.substack.com/p/3-ways-spirituality-is-pointing-you?r=p7wqp
Thank you Zan, I look forward to reading your piece when I'm away on vacation in the coming days.
Donna, this inspiring passage from Martha Beck reminds me of “The Tao of Pooh.” There is a scene where Pooh says to Rabbit that he can’t hear himself think for all noise Rabbit is making. Rabbit is anxious and always searching for an element of control . . . and talks . . . A LOT. Pooh relies on a different sense to navigate the world. It could be called peace, silence, allowing, and so on. Anyway, it’s not so noisy in the place of peace, and your post today reminds me of that. Thank you!
Thanks Renee, you bring up a great point about Rabbit being anxious so talking a lot to try to gain control. This offered me some simple clarity that I was unable to see until I read it. I love it when that happens!!
Me too, Donna, as often happens for me when I read your posts or comments.
Oh how I recognise that trait of holding out for what I want. I'm not sure exactly what has shifted, but lately even though I feel as though I am not completely ok with letting go, I have found a new level of trust. That ever redirection is a new opportunity to learn and every stumbling block is to slow me down, so that I can see what I'm meant to. Thank you for this wonderful reminder that we are human and it's not always a straight path.
Louise, your kind words hit a chord with me. Hearing that you have reached a new level of trust is what I need to hear right now. I guess because I'm hoping that happens to me too. I know that opening is a forward and back thing for most of us and those backward times seem to get a little trickier the further we go along the path. Maybe they aren't but the awareness is more acute. I am heading over to your publication to dive into a meditation right now!
Donna, rest assured I thought I might never get there! I think that openness is so much more difficult if you've protected yourself your whole life and have needed to feel safe through a sense of absolute control. I'm raising this as I know it's not uncommon and to bring it into awareness. When you can hold you nerve each time you are pinged back, I truly believe that the lessons that you are gifted will bring you and others who come into your consciousness to peace, safety and trust. Keep going beautiful soul. Love and light xx
I absolutely love that, Donna: "Everything we’ve ordered is always delivered to our real home address: peace." Thanks for sharing that, and your recent collision with it ... and the Qstack shoutout. 💜
I'm looking forward to diving into the great writing on Qstack when I have some down time coming up.
I tend to forget that while I have an agenda, it might not fit into the bigger picture of things. I can have an intention and visualize all I want, but my timing may be off or there is a greater good involved that I am not aware of.
Yes, and I find this frequently hard to remember!
Thanks for being here in the comments Janice, it's always nice to get your thoughts❤
I have an obsessive quality—it’s great until it’s not. It’s hard to release the sword when you think there’s power in clinging to it. Thank you for this reflection.
Yes, I'm sure there's a medieval tale threaded through that statement - the power we think is clinging to the sword, but it's in the hand that's holding it. Hey, maybe we should write that story!
I appreciate your comment Caroline, it's wonderful to see you here.
You’re giving me ideas 😀
Excellent!
It struck me that desiring THE THING (which I now have a visual of and it has taken on a horrendous size!) takes me out of the present and I spend way too much time not tuning into the present (in fact I am discovering that this situation is a roadblock to my healing in my physical and emotional bodies). Desiring can feel like a tornado at its height. Cheryl Crowe's lyric is coming into focus. "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you have". And there ends my Sunday morning ramble. I hope we all ride a peaceful wave on every exhale today.
I'm riding the wave, thank you for your peaceful wishes Adele❤
I've been contemplating physical healing a lot recently and reading more about it than usual and trying stuff out (on myself, not my patients). I would agree that not tuning into the present is a roadblock that can be particularly difficult to navigate. It's always hard but physical healing may be extra challenging, possibly because the fear factor is elevated.
As you say, let us exhale!
I feel that I'm a lot like you in hyper-focusing on one thing so much it becomes like an addiction. Funny thing is I'm AWARE that I do this and even try to tall myself out of it sometimes, but it's still part of my being.
I guess we need to try what the experts suggest and be friends with that part of us and allow it to be without taking over. I'm still practicing🤣
I absolutely loved the way you described some graceful and defiant faces of focus. I can totally agree that while making a firm decision always makes me feel alive, it often takes a bit of time for me to assimilate the full consequences of its toll. xx.
Graceful and defiant sums it up perfectly Thaissa. It’s an interesting process to make a decision and then fully surrender to the pathway it takes. In my mind (haha, we know what happens when we are in our mind!) I’ve released the outcome but my body and soul speak differently. Do you find you’re getting better at it? All suggestions are welcome🙂
Thanks Donna! Just what I needed to hear right now as I have my own "thing" that I've been wanting. I will shift back into a place of surrender, regain my peace with the medicine of non attachment.
Oh Victoria it truly is medicine! It’s like a physical painkiller almost (haha, I’m prone to the dramatic).
I wish you well as you gently shift the process❤️ Thanks for sharing.