The Unscratched Itch

it's hard to scratch it when you can't find it

In honor of us making it through 2024 together it would be great if you would smash that ❤️ button! xoxo

Have you ever had the sense of a life-itch that must be scratched but you can’t quite make contact with it? This illusive sensation calls for your attention but when you try to go there all you find is thin air — so you simply return to Netflix. Again and again.

Ah, maybe it’s just me.

This is where I’ve been living for most of 2024. I’ve begun to call it holy discontent, a term I learned reading Sue Monk Kidd. Holy discontent is not about church (although it could be), it’s about the sensation of not quite being comfortable in our own skin. I believe holy discontent is calling us to both listen and to get up and look in the mirror.

There’s no holy discontent on Mist Mountain in Alberta, Canada 📸my son, J. Swallow

Over the holidays I began reading Wintering by Katherine May, Opening that book helped me see clearly why I’ve landed in this place. All year I’ve named it laziness but I’ve come to see it’s not that at all. I believe I’m in a process of gathering - gathering my spirit and my wits, gathering my physical vitality and my microbiome, gathering my people and my vocation, gathering all that is most important to me to hold close.

As these things often do, this sense of gathering comes after a period of loss and upheaval that lasted a few years and left me feeling more drained than I realized, until I had to sit on the couch and watch Netflix for about a year. Let me tell you Honeybun, it’s this kind of behaviour that incubates a sense of holy discontent.

Here’s why I have an itch that cannot (yet) be scratched:

1. I’m not looking back on this year with my usual sense of self respect because I’ve allowed myself to get locked into behaviours that deplete me. It’s been a gradual slide of choices that lack depth - books, streaming, food - until I’ve arrived at the end of the year feeling a tad empty. These kinds of things are useful and fun but only in small doses. A significant side effect of slipping into a routine that hijacks my higher thinking is I seem unable to settle because I’m constantly leaning into the next moment.

2. I’ve misplaced my sense of inner knowing. I’ve been walking in circles, constantly coming back to familiar terrain. My brain understands this is the path one takes after loss and upheaval but my soul is nudging me to move on. It’s tricky though because the effort it takes to crawl out of this puddle makes it far too easy to remain stuck here. I know this lack of inner guidance is temporary, just as I know there is a tender place beneath the apathy — it’s filled with a lovely, higher energy than the one I’m currently sporting. I know it’s waiting for me because it’s the part of me I have been ignoring.

3. I’ve stopped asking the important questions. If I am willing to hear the answers to the important questions I will be asked to step into them. This takes tremendous effort which has not been available to me this year because I was too busy watching Netflix. You can see where this is going…!

I’ve experienced loss, upheaval and uncertainty and I believe there is likely more to come. Perhaps you, Dear One, feel the same? To weather the storm I will get up off the couch, I will turn off the Netflix and set down the food, I will raise my eyes to my neighbor and my heart to you. I will strive to live into Robert K. Cooper’s fine words (which I adapted slightly):

…To lead by example,

Love as if I will live forever,

Work as if I have no need for money,

Dream as if no one can say no,

Have fun as if I never have to grow up,

Sing as if no one else is listening,

Care as if everything depends on my caring,

And raise a banner where a banner never flew.

As we move into a new year may we be straightforward in our thoughts and deeds to step up with a courageous and open heart, knowing there is a season for all things and, no matter what one we are in, we are okay. Actually, we are pretty awesome (but we also need to get up off the couch)!

Happy New Year you gorgeous, lovely person. Your presence here in my little online space means the world to me, thank you.

xoxo Donna

P.S. What kind of banner would you like to raise this year?

If you are new to TBL I invite you to take a look at a series I created about change. It’s not about fixing what’s broken but the nuts & bolts of wholehearted living. I explore the science of change, and our soul’s yearning to move towards what we desire, coupled with our personal responsibility to set the stage to make it happen. It’s a solid explanation of what to do to get ready to change - what aspects of our daily life do we need to address. I know I’ll be re-reading the whole thing in the next few days to hit my re-set button!

This series was created for my paid subscribers, and is well worth the few bucks for a subscription, but there are some posts, or part of posts, available for all readers. It ends with an hour long video presentation that you can watch or listen to that wraps it all up.

What Is It About Your Life You Wish Was Different

The First Step to Create Change

How to Change

Tips to Elevate Your Energy

Managing Our Cravings

The Power of Things We Cannot See

Overcoming Resistance

The series culminates in a video presentation The Wisdom of Change: Weaving the Tools of Science & Spirit for Lasting Growth.